A Canadian Forces Girlfriend

Switching to my married name in Cyberspace

2011-03-06T03:22:00.003-05:00

So, it's not something that was considered even 5 years ago I bet: how to change your entire online identity when you get married. Mainly because most people didn't HAVE one. And if they did, it wasn't that extensive.

Well, for a girl growing up as the first generation of the digital age, this is actually an issue for me. Originally I thought "Hey! I just need to change my name on Facebook!" until my friends pointed out to me that my entire life is linked into my current email account. I get emails 24/7- to an account that's branded with my maiden name. Uh oh. This isn't just a matter of sending out a mass email to everyone I know with "I'm married! This is my new email addy!!"...I'm not 14. Bank statements, professional emails, emails from school, EVERY SINGLE ACCOUNT I've ever signed up for...all goes to that account. I know I'm changing my identity, but I don't want to start fresh!! I still want to get my emails telling me about sales and upgrades to software and the random blog updaters! And I don't want to sit in front of a computer for HOURS trying to figure out where I need to change my deets. Or spend the rest of my adult life checking two email accounts. No thank you.

Also, I like my current email address. I got it when Gmail was in it's infancy, and Gmail and I get along great. Only, when I went to sign up for a new Gmail address and guess what? My name is FAIRLY common, STILL! (There go my childhood dreams of a unique last name!) And I don't want to veer to far from what I've got. I didn't realise how attached I was to my email address until the prospect of giving it up was looming over my head.

Then I remembered: Gmail has all these neat things in it that let you send email from another account, even if that other account isn't a gmail address. So I went and got me an account at Mail.com....because then all that's gonna change is my last name, and there'll be no G in front of Mail. Which probably looks better anyways.

So I got it all set up- Gmail imports email sent to that account by POP3 access, and can sent to it through it's servers. If you want deets on how to do this, email me, but basically you just follow the steps under Accounts and Import in your Gmail settings. So I tested that- great, email comes in, email goes out under the correct name. All I've gotta do after the wedding is change my new email address to the default one, and everything will go out under that account, but I can still receive emails to my maiden account, and when I reply to them people will get the new address. Fantastic.

I even got it working with Sparrow! Which is the mail client I use on my Mac. Gmail's cute and all when your 15, but now that I'm an adult I felt like I needed an adult mail client. But I'll gush about Sparrow in another post. Suffice to say, it's also just a matter of changing the new alias to the default account in Sparrow.

Uh oh. PROBLEM!! I still want to use my Gmail account as "THE" account. That's where all my emails will go through, nevermind the name they go out under. But when I send emails on my iPhone, they go out under the name on the account and the email address of the account. Hmm...this looked like the end of the road to my happy "very little work to switch to my married name in the digital age" story. I was looking at having to switch EVERYTHING over to a whole new parent account. And the whole point of this was not to lose every email I've saved since I was 15, and not have to migrate to a new parent account. I want to stay in the apartment and just change the name on the buzzer!!

So I panicked for a second, and then remembered Google knows all and found this after about .5 seconds of searching: http://kevinchiu.org/archives/how-to-use-multiple-email-aliases-on-the-iphone

Basically what it says is that, instead of setting up my mail account on my iPhone AS a Gmail account, I need to set it up as an "other" account, plug in the IMAP server information (which is imap.gmail.com for the incoming and smtp.gmail.com for the outgoing- not exactly rocket science) and put in my Gmail account as the server info, but I can put my MAIL account as the account info on the iPhone.

And guess what? IT WORKS!! Just as well as if I'd set it up using the Gmail wizard. So now when I get married I have 3 buttons to click to go from being lana.XXXX@gmail.com to lana.ZZZZZ@mail.com, but nothing actually changes: I'll still get all my emails. I just have to switch Gmail online to the new address as default, Sparrow to the new address as default, and turn the Mail account on on my iPhone (and turn my maiden name one off!)

VOILA!

Hope that helps someone. It can be done. If you need more specific information with screen shots and stuff let me know and I'll cobble it together. Turns out it IS really easy (if somewhat research intensive) to change your identity in the digital age!

I LOST IT!!

2011-02-16T23:44:00.003-05:00

Okay, so if anyone reads my blog with any amount of consistency (which can't be THAT much because, well, I don't update that much...) then you'll have seen my post in June about my Wii Fit purchase and how I was hoping to lose weight. Well...that didn't go so well. In fact, it did the opposite. Over the summer, I gained ~20lbs. Yeah. As soon as Scott got home, I realized that my whole "I don't like to be watched while working out" thing extended to him. So I stopped. And then when he's home we eat out a lot and eat a TON of crap: pizza by the box, Wendy's every couple of nights, lots of Red Robin, you name it. When I went home over the summer I tried on my wedding dress and...oops! It so didn't fit. I looked like the bulging bride from the great beyond. AWFUL!!

In October my best friend (and MOH) came to visit over Thanksgiving. While she was here we took a trip to Calgary, Banff, and Jasper. I don't remember exactly when, but at one point she was talking about wanting to lose some weight, and that she'd started using an app on her iPhone called Lose It! I downloaded the app simply because I was curious: what would it tell me I had to do to lose weight? I wasn't able to find out right away because it needed my current weight, so I had to wait till we got home. When we DID get home and I stepped on the scale, I was horrified. 180 lbs!! WHAT?! No no no...in May I weighed 157ish...NO WAY could I be 180! I then flashed back to my wedding dress that didn't fit in July and freaked out. OMG- I wasn't going to fit in my dress. I had to do something!!

So I started logging my food on Lose it! It really opened my eyes: I was just eating WAY TO MUCH. Like...WAY TO MUCH. I was eating 3-4 servings of a food, not 1. And the foods I was eating were REALLY high calorie. It was awful. My first week I was over my budget by 2000 calories. My second week I made it my mission to find lower-calorie alternatives to the food I usually eat and enjoy. I found lower-cal pudding cups, smaller chocolate bars, bread with less calories, and recipes that had less calories than my old standbys. I found ingredients that would cut the calories out of my favourite recipes too (I LOVE Splenda!) And I started to lose weight. Not a TON of weight at first...half a pound a week, 1 pound a week....and then it stopped. And I got frustrated. And then Scott went away and I got bored again and realised "Oh yeah. Exercise. Hm..." So I looked into it and I got myself a trainer. Now I know- "WHAT ABOUT YOUR PUBLIC EXERCISE THING?!"...I did some thinking and realised that my fear of exercising in public was that I was doing it wrong. And with a trainer that would be removed- he'd tell me how to do it. So I signed up, and started meeting with him 2x a week.

By Christmas I'd lost 10 lbs. Over Christmas break I switched to the maintenance plan on Lose It! (from my 1.5lbs/week weight loss plan) and was able to maintain my 10lb loss. When I got back to Edmonton and was in control of my own food again (and went back to working out) I lost another 5 lbs really fast. Now, halfway through February, I'm officially at 150lbs. And I feel fantastic. In fact, my pants are physically falling down!

I didn't do ANYTHING special. I committed to sticking to my calorie budget and worked out, that's it. I let myself have anything I wanted, as long as it fit within my budget. So cake, cookies, chips, pizza, pasta, chocolate: I ate it all. I just ate proper portion sizes. I measured all my food to make sure I was getting the right serving size (either using measuring cups, or on a food scale I bought.) I used a Calorie Calculator to figure out the content of my home-made recipes. I logged everything I put in my mouth. I ate a lot of those 100-cal snack packs. I learned how to eat what I wanted and stick to my budget, feel full, and make it sustainable. And no, for those of you who know me: I DIDN'T add in any veggies. So there! I'm a creature of habit so I found 300 calorie frozen lunches to take to school with me. I became very familiar with the nutrition information of all my favourite restaurants. I started to plan ahead. If I was going to a restaurant with someone for lunch, I'd look online before we went and make choices based on the calorie content. That way when I went I'd already made my choice, and I could just enjoy the meal, knowing I wasn't hurting my diet. And after I got the hang of it, it really wasn't that hard!! And every week seeing the pounds come off when I weighed in was REALLY motivating to keep going.

About the exercise: I go 2x a week to see my trainer for an hour. Before I meet him I try and do 20-30 minutes of cardio exercise. That's getting my heart rate up to 80%. At first this was torture...I could BARELY do it. But week by week it became easier and easier, and now it's not difficult at all (as long as they remember not to turn the heat on full blast in the gym...THEN I'm guzzling water!) I'm going to be getting a heart rate monitor soon to help me track this better, but at the moment I just use the sensors on the elliptical. When I meet up with him we do all "weight" exercise. When I started, I was told that weight loss is 90% weight work, 10% cardio. You only burn calories doing cardio WHILE you're doing it. As soon as you stop, the calorie burn stops. BUT: When you do weight work you damage your muscles. Your muscles are the most metabolically active cells in your body (which means they burn the most energy, even when sedentary.) If your muscles are damaged then it takes EXTRA calories to repair them, which burns more calories, even when you're not actively working your muscles. And then once they're repaired, you have MORE muscles, and thus more metabolically active cells to burn calories with. Basically: your muscles keep working for you AFTER your workout. So we do an hour of circuit weight training. It's HARD, and I'm POOPED by the end of it...but I'm telling you, I can really punch it out now! And I get better every time we do it. I also do 1 hour of Zumba a week as well. My gym has Zumba classes so I attend one a week. The golden rule I was given was cardio 3x a week, weights 2x a week...and so far it hasn't steered me wrong!!

So what else? Oh. As soon as you start Lose It, you'll notice that when you log exercise it gives you more calories to eat, or "erases" calories you've already consumed. Some people interpret this as "I can eat those calories again." I don't. I try to the best of my ability to stay under my food budget, whether or not I exercise. Sometimes I'll eat a few of them, and once or twice (on people's birthdays) I ate ALL of them back. But I tried not to make a habit of it, and I think that's why I've lost the weight so fast.

I also take L Carnitine supplements. What's L Carnitine? It's an amino acid that's already present in the food we eat. Problem is, we don't get enough of it. It helps turn long chain fatty acids (fat) into energy so it can be metabolized and burned off. I take 2 in the morning before breakfast, and I try to remember to take 2 at lunch (I'm definitely not perfect about this). I don't take any before dinner because I find it gives me a real energy boost and I can't sleep if I do. I also take 2 anytime before I work out. I think it's helped me, but I can't put my finger on how. I just feel better when I take them.

And that's...kinda it. I'll put a list of "resources" I use to help me along. Even though I've lost the weight I will continue to use Lose It! to log my calories- it's become part of my life, and if I want to maintain my weight I need to make sure I remain under my maintenance budget. If anyone has any questions, feel free to post them in a comment and I'll try to answer you as best I can. I hope this inspires someone to try Lose It! and to make the lifestyle change. It's true what they say: It's all about calories in vs. calories out.

Resources:
Lose It!
Calorie Calculator
Spark Recipes (REALLY great website for finding low-calorie recipes that actually taste good!)
World Health (where I work out...if you're in Alberta and you decide to check them out, tell them I sent you! We'll both get a free training session out of it!)
Perfect Portions Nutrition Scale
Reasonably priced L-Carnitine Supplements

How to Fix Disappeared Contacts in Outlook 2007

2011-01-03T23:16:00.003-05:00

My Dad came to me this morning stating his contacts in Outlook had "disappeared". That didn't bode well- usually with my Dad it's user error and there's no fixing it. But I bravely tried to figure it out. It wasn't user error for once! Here's how we fixed it:

So the outlook contacts was giving us a little blurb about "Unable to Load Folder." This, to me, meant I had to find the folder and what was wrong with it. All it would tell me when I went into properties was that it was in "\\Personal Folders\Contacts"...but it wasn't in his User's contacts. Hmm...it didn't seem to exist. I needed a REAL file path. I tried several things and in the end tried to trash it just to see what would happen- and I got an error that gave me the file path I needed: User\AppData\Microsoft\Outlook\Outlook.pst

I then loaded the preferences for that file, which was faithfully sitting where it was supposed to be. One of the options in the preferences was to recover the file from a backup essentially- I forget the actual wording. I asked my Dad if I could recover from the latest one- the 31st, and he said sure. It took about 5 minutes for it to recover the previous incarnation of the file, and I had to shut down Outlook to do it, but when I started Outlook back up- there they were: all his contacts, back where they were meant to be.

Hope this helps someone who might have the same issue!

Wii Fit Plus

2010-06-09T00:44:00.002-05:00

I bought a Wii and Wii Fit Plus last Friday. I don't usually get much exercise...I don't like being watched while I'm exercising...my perfectionist tendancies freak me out when I'm exercising in public...so I figured maybe the Wii Fit might help me be able to work out at home.

I find it really motivating. The games are fun, I like that it shows me exactly how much time I've been doing it and how many calories I've burned. I've been working out for an hour every day on it (and that's not including the games I play before/after...which are also sweat-inducing!) And in 5 days I've lost 1.1kgs....or close to 2 pounds!!

I know at some point I'm going to have to step it up a bit and go beyond the Wii fit...but I figure if I sweat for an hour each day that's way better than I was doing before!

I'll update how it goes. Right now my goal is to be down 7kgs by the end of the summer!

CF life Update

2010-06-06T14:37:00.002-05:00

I just got a really uplifting and encouraging comment from a reader- and I realise I don't blog nearly as much as I used to- but y'know why? Cause everything is going REALLY WELL.

Scott's in Manitoba doing his SQ FINALLY. That only took 3 1/2 years!! Not that I'm complaining, but seriously- he was supposed to do it right after BMQ. He's not happy, he's confined to base and has nothing to do but obey orders and let's face it- he hasn't lived in the shacks for 2 years, he's not used to obeying any orders beyond "do the laundry, take out the garbage, stop hogging all the blankets". I miss him, more than I have in a while...probably because I'm not busy with school this time. I really don't mind the CF, I just wish they'd send us back to Ontario- anywhere in Ontario would suffice, just put me back there. Not that Edmonton is horrible, it's just not where I want to be.

So that's pretty much it. He's gone, which is an oddity now. I just spent some time reading the posts I put up when he first left. And it seems to far away and distant to me. Yes, that was hard- and no, I wouldn't want to do it again, but y'know what? It doesn't even seem like it was real now. I know I did it, I know it was hard, but life is so freaking NORMAL now and has been since we moved to Edmonton that it just seems silly that I was so worried about it. When he's home he goes to work and comes home to me. When he's not here is few and far between these days. It took us a while to get here, but now that we're here it doesn't seem like it was all that bad. And it wasn't. If I had to do it again, I could.

I will say this though: to any girl thinking of sticking it out with a guy going into the CF, make sure he's really got a strong character. I've met a lot of soldiers since Scott joined up, A LOT, and some of them- well, they get lost in it. They forget who they are and what's important to them and become these jarheads who live and breathe the CF. You want your man to love what he does, but you want him to love you more. I've met to many guys who seemed like really nice fellows only to completely change personality when they go through BMQ. Or cheat, which their gfs never would have expected out of them. Or start smoking. Someone going into the CF has to be sure of himself and his life outside the CF before they go into it. Or else they'll come back changed for the worse.

This being said- my advice for women whose men ARE going in is this: change your definition of romantic. If he hangs up on you in the middle of a conversation he's not disrespecting you, he risked calling you when he wasn't supposed to and almost got caught. Know yourself- just like your hunny going into the forces can change him if he's not sure of himself, it will change you into a whiny, needy, whelp of a woman if you don't have the backbone to say "I will not pine, I will not NOT do things just cause he isn't here. I will have my own interests and friends and hobbys and having those things while he's gone makes me no less of a good girlfriend, but makes me a better one because I'm a more interesting person for them." Despite what the books will tell you, in the CF you cannot be two halves of a whole in a relationship- that spells disaster. In the CF you have to be two whole and complete people who are bound by their love and can be fabulous together, but can also be fabulous apart. It is possible- so just decide you're going to do it and do it.

My other advice is that nothing is ever set in stone- ever ever ever until it is actually physically happening. Get used to checking out cancellation policy's and if it's unfavourable to your situation make the effort to call the hotel/vacation rental/doctors/ whatever and ask if they'll make an exception for you because of the CF. Many will. I've discovered even my wedding venue will reschedule our wedding if for some reason Scott can't make it. Be flexible, have your heart set on nothing, and just accept that sometimes you're going to have to go without him. And try not to punch couples in the face while you're at it.

I really encourage any girl who wants to know what the CF is like to email me, or call me. If you'd like to talk to me directly please feel free to leave a comment with your email address (all my comments are moderated so I won't publish the ones with emails in them, just email you back) and we can chat. I know how scary it was to be facing this big thing called the CF that I had no idea about and didn't seem to have any answers to- I really don't want anyone else to have to feel that way. :)

I've started knitting!

2010-01-24T14:16:00.002-05:00

So I've always been "crafty"...when I was a kid if I was bored I'd just start making...something. Anything. Just to create. I've lost touch with that part of myself over the years. My need for order, lack of funds (and space) (and time), have constricted me. Well, over Christmas my Mom finally taught me to knit- and it's like that part of me came alive again. I've since finished my first project (a scarf), a hat for Scott, a beanie for Chanelle for when she shaves her head...and now I'm about to start my first sweater! I'm using a pattern I found on Ravelry called Nati. Basically I'm knitting a huge plus sign with a neck hole in the middle. I'm really looking forward to creating something I can actually WEAR! I'd really like to be able to knit my own clothing- living in the Hinterland (aka Edmonton) I love wearing big, warm (yet stylish) sweaters, but they're EXPENSIVE! I figure if I can learn to knit them myself I can A) slow down the pace at which I aquire new clothing and B) get better-quality sweaters. Even if it costs more in time and money- it'll keep me out of the mall and probably make me take better care of my clothing.

So that's my update! If you want to find me on Ravelry and keep up with my knitting adventures I'm under the username Navvan.

How to Live in Under 400sq ft.

2009-12-30T12:17:00.005-05:00

So I've been looking through my computer at old pictures of when I lived in Toronto. For the second part of my foray into the big city, I lived in a VERY small 385 sq ft. apartment. It was between living in a bigger apartment in a bad part of town, or a teeny apartment in a good part of town. I took the second option- and paid 825$ a month for the privilege.

So anyways- the point. I stumbled across some pictures of my little apartment and had a wave of nostalgia "oh it was so CUTE!"...I forgot what it had even looked like. I loved that apartment, but I remember having a moment of panic after I'd signed the lease. "Holy CRAP how am I going to fit everything I own into such a small space?!"...it wasn't easy, but I did it.

So here you see my one and only room. You have my kitchen way in the back there, my couch, and that black bit in the upper left hand corner is where my bed was hidden. Step 1 to living in a small space: loft bed. That thing saved my life.

Anyways, you can see that I had to partition my space carefully. That white thing with the mirrors on it is a bookcase that was at the head of my bed, and separated what was basically my bedroom from my kitchen area. My kitchen was to small to fit my microwave in it so that white kitchen cart held my microwave (and let's face it, when you live alone that's how you cook! I consider myself a pretty good cook but since I didn't have anyone to cook FOR I just zapped everything!) My table you can see there ended up with my boyfriend's computer on it (crap!), so what was originally just another surface for schoolwork/eating became a desk. Underneath it though I put a nice wicker basket to hold excess blankets and pillows.

On the right you witness the cleanest that kitchen EVER was. There's not much to say about the kitchen, except that I used the top of the cupboards as storage as well and used a cutting board on my stovetop to compensate for the lack of counter space. The one beef I had with this apartment: ONE BOWLED SINK. If you are planning on moving into a small apartment I beg you to consider this: You can live without a dishwasher easily, but if you feel this is a reasonable sacrifice do not, for the love of God, sacrifice a double-bowled sink. A single bowled sink makes washing dishes by hand a punishment of massive proportions. If your unit doesn't have one, ask the landlord if they'd consider putting one in (or letting you put one in and giving you a break on your first month's rent to compensate you for upgrading their unit for them!).

On the left you can see my lofted bed, and the crap under it. What you can't see if my dresser tucked under it on the left hand side. The pannels I hung from the ceiling were on a track so I could open it to get into bed and then close them to hide it when people were over. I usually closed them to sleep too- it just felt more cosy. I got those at Ikea, and they cost like 100$. I was able to fit 3 large rubbermaid bins under there packed with stuff, my laundry drying rack, my hamper, my dresser, and my laundry basket in under that bed. Now THAT is storage. And from this angle you can see my bookcase too.

Unfortunately I'm missing a few angles of my apartment...the opposite wall to this one held my TV storage unit, I had a coffee table that had two large drawers in it to hide stuff too (also from Ikea), and I had 3 closets I packed full of stuff. The trick I discovered to living in small space is: STORAGE. Create it. If you have a spare wall, put storage on it. If you have high ceilings put a shelf about a book-height from the ceiling all around the perimeter and put stuff up there too (it actually looks kind of funky, I've seen it done and I'm sure you could too if you googled it. I only had 8 foot ceilings so I didn't do it, partially because I had room for everything, but also because my bed would have interfered with it.

Also another note on my bed: You can get a loft bed from Ikea for like 100$. It's only suitable for 9 ft. ceilings. As I just said, my ceilings didn't meet this requirement...so I had to make a plan B. My Poppa and my Mom built the frame for mine off of plans from the internet out of plywood and bolts, and painted it brown for me. The supplies cost 40$. If you know somebody handy, or even if you hire a handyman you can probably get it built for under 100$. This works well if you own a boxspring and mattress like I did and want to use it. Since moving to Edmonton I have taken this bed apart and put it back together 3 times and we now have it in our second bedroom and people sleep on it when they visit. It creaks, but it's safe and comfy.

So thats my 411 on living in a small space. Storage and plan it out, hide the stuff you don't want to see. Come to think of it I had one of those under-the-bed boxes under my couch full of craft supplies too. My couch was only a loveseat, but for one person it's all you need.

Hope this helps someone who tries to tackle the same feat I did! I only lived there for 8 months (not because it was to small, but because life took me in other directions and I moved to Edmonton and living in 385 sq. ft is fine for one person but when you bring in a man it's a totally different bucket of fish!) but I loved that apartment. My Katherine lives in it now since she took over my lease- she stole my sliding pannels and basically set it up identically to mine only with her furniture!

This is my ode to my small apartment and time gone by.

Last Minute Lasagna

2009-11-20T21:08:00.002-05:00

I don't know where this recipe came from...my Mom says my Gammy cut it out of a magazine years ago, but I just can't see my Gammy (chef that she was) making this dish. It is, however, a life saver. Scott LOVES lasagna. He'd eat it every night if I'd let him- or if I had the time to make it. This recipe however, means we get lasagna much more often. I'm a snob when it comes to my TRUE lasagna- home made noodles, my mother's meat sauce (which takes a day to make) and an over abundance of cheese. Needless to say a "real" lasagna in my household is about a week in the works. This takes less than an hour.

Last Minute Lasagna

Yield: 4

Ingredients:

● 1 packages Lipton Creamy Parmazan Noodles
● 1 lb. lean ground beef
● 1 1/2 cups tomato sauce
● 1/2 tsp basil
● 1/2 tsp oregano
● 1 cup mozzarella cheese, shredded

Directions:

Prepare noodles as directed, but reduce water to 3/4 cup. In skillet, brown beef. Drain fat. Stir in tomato sauce, basil and oregano. Bring to a boil. Pour half into 8x8 inch baking pan. Sprinkle with half the cheese. Top with noodles, then remaining meat sauce and cheese. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Let stand for 5 mins before serving.

That easy. Thanks Gammy!

All Your Own Teeth- the song

2009-11-15T15:38:00.003-05:00

So for my first week of field placement I need to plan a book experience for the children in my play room. I chose the book "All Your Own Teeth" by Adrienne Geoghegan, because it fits all the criteria for a quality picture book given to me by the University- and I think the story is kind of cute.

Anyways, I need two extensions for every book I read to the children in order for it to be considered an "experience". Since this is my first week and I literally only have the weekend to plan I decided to do things this week that don't require a lot of "stuff". So, one of my extensions I decided would be a song. Unfortunately, I couldn't really find any good songs to teach the kids that in any way fit with the book. A lot of songs deal with monkeys and zebras, none of which are in this book- so singing about them would be kind of inane don't you think?

Anyways, I set off to find a song for each individual animal...which didn't work either. I was having difficulty finding anything for the giraffe. However, I eventually came across this website and it had a cute song about the giraffe's neck. After singing it a few times I decided I could probably make it work for all the animals in the book and set off to create verses for each animal. You will probably want to watch the song on the website first to get the tune. This is what I ended up with:

An elephant has a really long nose
much much longer than mine
He drinks lots of water, and he lives where it's hotter
but I think he has a jolly good time

A cheetah runs really really fast
much much faster than me
He eats gazelles that aren't quite well
and I think he has a jolly good time

a giraffe has a really long neck
much much longer than mine
he eats green leaves
but not green peas
and I think has a jolly good time

A hippo has really big feet
much much bigger than mine
he rolls in the mud
and thinks he's a stud
and I think he has a jolly good time

A crocodile has a very big smile
much much bigger than mine
He licks his chops
and tries not to slop
and they're all having a jolly good time.

Kinda cute right? I'll report back on how it goes over with the kids. Credit for the tune and the giraffe verse go to Boowa and Kwala.

GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO SOMETHING!

2009-10-24T00:16:00.000-05:00

Lately I've noticed many of my friends are very dissatisfied with their lives. They want to be thinner, make more money, go more places- whatever. Great. So get off your ass and do something about it.

I just can't stand how everyone seems to think that these good things just happen to fall into certain people's laps. Granted- some- the lucky few- do have that happen. But here in the real world- if you want something, you have to work at it.

You want to be thinner? Then start going to the gym, talking walks/runs, and eating better. You want to make more money so you can do more things/buy more clothes? Awesome- revise your resume, look around on the internet and find a job that pays well and start sending those brand spanking new resumes out. Working full time isn't death sentence, in fact in my mind it's the ticket to freedom! Stop complaining that your boyfriend/fiance/husband won't let you blow 300$ a month on makeup or outings- what is this the 1930s?! Not only do you have a responsibility to provide your "fun money" for yourself, you should be contributing to the household expenses! You don't get to live for free! Same goes for vacations. I am SO SICK of people complaining about not being able to go on vacation every year. I know- it sucks. I'm used to escaping the cold once a year as well- and I haven't been able to for the last three years because I just couldn't afford it. When I work full time and my car and house are paid off THEN I can go on vacation. But sitting at home complaining about it not only makes it seem worse, but you don't get anything else out of it!

I've just had to much whining lately from people who can't seem to get down to earth. It isn't difficult to get the things you want- you just need to suck it up and work at it. I don't particularly enjoy working 12 hour days but I wanted a car so guess what? I have to work AND go to school!

Ontario is behind the curve on Autism Services

2009-10-18T23:32:00.003-05:00

As most of you know, while I was living in Toronto had the amazing pleasure to work for a family with three kids- two of whom are on the Autistic Spectrum. These kids- all three of them- are the loves of my life. And it's because of their two boys that I've entered into Early Childhood Education, and am working at the Centre for Autism Services Alberta. I hope that after I'm finished my diploma that I might be able to take my diploma in Autism and Behavioural Sciences, and keep working with Autistic children...but if we move back to Ontario, that looks doubtful.

Why? Not because of my lack of motivation or qualifications- no, I am hell bound and determined that even if I have to take a job with a normal daycare when I move back home, I will continue to look for and interview for jobs in Autism intervention. These kids are amazing and need all the help that's possible to provide them to blossom- and when they do they're incredible. The problem is that Ontario's health system has totally ignored Autism, and services are sporadic and ill-funded. People are going bankrupt trying to help their kids because they cannot afford the kind of therapy their children so desperately need.

In Alberta, once a child is diagnosed with Autism they are referred to a service provider- in Edmonton alone there are 3. The service provider assesses the child, and is assigned a team consisting of a Speech Language Pathologist, an Occupational Therapist, a Physical Therapist, a Psychological Therapist, and Behavioural Aides. This team comes up with a plan to target goals for the child, and the aides make weekly visits to work on those goals with the child. The child is entitled to this intervention until they have either been deemed to have made significant enough progress that they can be tranisitioned to group therapy, or until they are sixteen.

Now, it's not a perfect system- there is a lot of turnover since working with Autism isn't for everyone. Most of the Aides are university and college students and only have what training the service provider has provided them...however since they are acting only on the orders of the therapists, this isn't a big deal (as an Aide, I feel I provide the best therapy I can). It can be long and grueling, and the families constantly have people coming into their homes to provide therapy. But there is NOTHING like this in Ontario...and infact many therapists are straight out banned from schools in Ontario...meaning that a lot of children's therapy has a hard stop at kindergarden- a crucial period!

I hope this gets better...I will be getting all the training I can so that I can make my own difference for the families of Ontario when I return. In the meantime, parents- hang in there.

NEVER BUY FROM STEDELBAUER CHEVROLET!

2009-08-26T16:25:00.002-05:00

Okay- so I finally bought my car!! YAY!! However- I think I made a bad call on where I bought it. Now granted, they gave me a great deal- and they cleaned the car up nice, fixed the scratches that are on it, and deodorized it. Good stuff. BUT- gotta say, these people just aren't all that great.

First of all I'll give you their website- http://www.stedelbauerchev.com/

Now: my problems with this dealership:

1. Sales people are surly. Now I know all car sales people are always kind of...off. But the people who work here are just plain rude. When we explained why we were offering what we were offering they acted afronted, and then they went and accepted it. "Get that Stedelbauer Smile"? Um...yeah, I haven't gotten a single smile.

2. When you make a deal, and then they start giving you papers- generally you expect the hard part to be over. NO! Not the case here. Our Finance person gave us the wrong VIN on our bill of sale- which made getting the car registered really hard. THEN she added up the numbers wrong and told us to get a bank draft for LESS than we owed them- resulting in us having to put the final amount of money on our credit card. Now this doesn't seem like a big deal- the VIN was easily dealt with with a car to the dealership, and we did have a card on us. But the point is THEY SCREWED UP- and therefore should have said "sorry, our mistake, we won't charge you the extra x hundred dollars cause obviously we can't do math". THAT would have been good business practice- not hounding us for the extra money and being rude about it- calling us "sticklers".

3. K so car is paid for, registered, and...we get the car now right? Great. Only once I got in the car my fiance takes a look at it and realises two things: 1) my driver's side headlight is out and 2) my trunk brake light is out. Again- NOT GOOD BUSINESS PRACTICE! How long would it have taken them to check and make sure all my lightbulbs glowed? 5 minutes? And not only were they burnt out- but the shop was closed so they couldn't get me new bulbs which resulted in me having to go back the next morning. Which leads me to #...

4. So I get up, I get in my new car with it's broken lights, and I go to the dealership- they check- sure enough, lights are all out, they say it'll take an hour to do the work. OKAY FINE- an hour seems like a long time to change a few bulbs, but okay. I can do an hour. So an hour passes and the technician comes to see me and says "So there's a problem with your car." "Oh?" I say. "You need a new ignition- the key won't come out." he says. "What do you mean they key won't come out?" I worry. "I mean the key is stuck in the ignition, we've had this problem with Cobalts before, and the only way to fix it is to put a new ignition in." "um...okay....so...how long is that going to take?" "Oh a few hours- you should have it back by tonight." ARG- OKAY! So they give me a shuttle ride back to my apartment and say that they'll come back to get me when it's ready to be picked up. I get a call 4 hours later saying that "Whoops!" we didn't have the part we needed, but we'll get it tomorrow. ARG!!

So now it's the day after I picked up my car- it's already being fixed on a recall (why didn't they do this when they had it for the last 5 months?!), and now I'm again WITHOUT A CAR! FRIG!

So basically what I'm saying is- if you can avoid it, don't buy from Stedelbauer Chev. I've already ditched their license plate holder. If you DO decide not to heed my warnings and buy there anyways- ask for Kouroush and tell him Allana Smith sent you- I get 100$ out of the deal.

What to Keep In Your Car

2009-08-24T00:32:00.002-05:00

I just bought my first car!! Well...my fiancé is playing "Bank" for me, but it's MY car! So excited to actually get my hands on it- it's a little purple Cobalt LS...it needs some TLC (ie: a good trip through a car wash and a serious vacuum!) but we got a great deal on it so I'm a happy camper!! I can finally get to work!!

Now...since I have to wait three days to actually get my hands on my new darling I've started to think about things I'm going to need in my car- y'know...having never owned a car before it never occurred to me that those many handy things kept in a car GOT there somehow (my mother!). So I've compiled a list of "must haves" and "good to haves" to keep in you car...not only for my benefit, but for anyone else!

MUST HAVES:
-A garbage recepticle of some kind. It doesn't matter if you don't make a habit of eating in your car- there's always junk to get rid of. You can get ones that look like mini versions of those pop-up nylon hampers, but they've got a piece of Velcro on the bottom to stick it to your car's carpet. I'm going to keep mine on the floor between the seats in the back- easy access for everybody.

- Napkins and wetnaps. You ALWAYS have sticky fingers, or need to sneeze or SOMETHING. I think keeping a kleenex box in your car is dumb because it always ends up smooshed. Next time you're at Wendy's or A&W just grab a fistful of napkins and keep them in a ziplock in your glove compartment- problem solved. Drug stores also sell those individual wet naps for like a buck a box of 600.

- Cellphone charger. Because the last thing you want is to end up in a ditch and realise your cellphone is dead.

- Windshield scraper/brush. In the summer it's not such a consideration, but in the winter you're up a creek if you don't have one of these handy. Get a good long one with a big grip on it and just keep it on the floor in the back seat. If it gets stepped on it'll be fine.

- A thick blanket. My grandmother always had one of these in her car- you know those thick plaid wool blankets. I have no idea where one might procure one of these today, but next time I go home I intend to ask my grandfather for one out of his cedar closet. If you get stranded in the cold it'll be your best friend. Keep in your trunk.

- Traffic accident forms, proof of insurance, registration, and a photocopy of your Drivers License. Put in a google search and you'll find loads of accident forms. It's just a simple form that has room for all the major questions you should ask in the event of an accident. Hopefully you'll never need one- but if you DO it's very likely that in the heat of the moment you'll forget to ask important questions. This way you just work your way through the form. Your proof of insurance, and registration you ought to have in your glove box at all times anyways- get one of those little wallet-sized bi-fold card holders and stick them in there so they're handy. A photocopy of your Drivers License (front and back) is just handy to have. Say you lose your wallet and get pulled over? Or for some reason you haven't got photo ID on you? It's just prudent.

- A basic first aid kit. You can either get one at the Drug Store for fairly cheap- or just put together a simple one yourself. Either way make sure you have bandaids, Advil and any other pain medications you use, pads and tampons, medical tape, lip balm, and a few granola bars. Keep this under the passengers side seat.

- Plastic bags. I don't know about you- but I have an over abundance of these things! Take one and stuff it to the gills with more, tie the first one up and throw it in your trunk. Barf bags, wet clothing bags, shopping bags, impromptu boot liners in winter, even turn them inside out and let people sit on them if they're wet. SO useful, and they don't cost anything.

NICE TO HAVE:

- A pencil and paper. Put them in your glovebox. Whether you use it to come up with a bright idea, write down directions, make a grocery list or even if it just sits there- it's very useful.

- A small toolkit. You know- the basics. A multi head screwdriver, a basic wrench, a reflective jacket, and a car jumper. I saw one last week at Canadian Tire that came in a cute little pink tote for 50$ and included everything you'd ever need PLUS a rechargeable car jumper you charge at home. Good thing to keep in your trunk.

-A flashlight. Get one of those hand-crankable ones that have an LED bulb and you'll never have to remember to change the batteries, nor will you risk them being dead.

- Water. Now I know they say not to keep bottled water in your car- so I'll be filling up one of those massive aluminum water bottles and sticking it in my back seat. Ever been in traffic and just DIEING for something to drink? Even if it's warm you'll appreciate it! Plus if you're ever stranded you'll be fine.

-20$ in cash. Stash it somewhere in your car and forget about it. If you're ever in a jam, it'll be there- even if that jam is just " I have no lunch money". BUT- make sure if you spend it to put it back at the next opportunity. You'll kick yourself if you spent it on lunch and then need it for gas.

- A card of brand new hair elastics and bobbypins, and a travel size of hairspray. This is so frivolous but just wait till you're rushing to a meeting and realise your hair has decided to imitate Medusa's fetching snakes. I have one "emergency" hairstyle that is quick, easy, and requires just these few tools. While you're at it- maybe throw in a comb.

- Breath mints. Same reason as the last one, only it's for onion breath. Sucking on something also helps sooth you in event of a stressful situation (ie: getting cut off or being stuck in traffic).

- Grocery totes. In contrast to the plastic grocery bags you're using for just about everything but toting food- these are in reference to those reusable ones you probably have 900 of. Stuff them all inside eachother and stick them in the trunk, so next time you decide to hit up Sobeys on the way home, you can without worrying. Just remember when you take them out to shop to stick them by the door and put them back next time you go out so they're always there.

Well now it's late and so I'm off to bed. I might add more to this later as I go about my new-car experience!

BBM 4.5 OTA

2009-07-23T14:54:00.001-05:00

Okay, I tried to upgrade to Blackberry Messenger 5.0 but it didn't work because my OS is to old (and I can't upgrade on my current computer!!) so I had to find an OTA link.

OTA Blackberry Curve 8330 BlackBerry Messenger version 4.5.0.77

Some very nice pastor made one for us. Fixed the problem!!

Edmonton...in all it's glory.

2009-06-24T10:22:00.002-05:00

K I think it's about time I did this.

You've probably all ready my frantic post from about...October? about us being posted to Edmonton. Well, on June first 2009 I moved to Edmonton! Yup - did it!! I'm going to Grant MacEwan in the fall for my ECE, and I've moved in with Scott to a VERY nice apartment in an area called Clareview. I've spent the last three weeks getting our place in order, retraining Scott (dirty clothes go in the hamper, cereal bowls go in the dishwasher when they're done...y'know, general housebreaking), and making new friends!

It's not the worst ever- I'm actually liking it here...the girls are nice and yes, it's a very different experience, but we're getting through it! The CF paid to move my things, and it's getting easier every day.

I would suggest to any CFGF that gets posted away to try and make the best of it. Yes, I know getting posted an hour away or a country away- is hard. Very hard. But make the best of it. I know it's tearing your life away from you- it's hard to make a big change like that. But make the best of it- your life is wherever you are. Look at it as an adventure and have some fun with it.

How to Get your Macbook to stream to your PS3.

2009-06-21T18:11:00.003-05:00

Since it's kinda crappy out today Scott and I decided to watch a movie. Of course this opened up a can of worms: We wanted to be able to watch the movies that we've downloaded (since downloading isn't illegal in Canada- as long as it's for personal use! Therefore: no opening a movie theatre!) on our new HDTV via our PS3. Now this is where the can of worms comes in: Not only did we want to watch them from my external drive, which hooks up to the PS3 by USB cable, but we wanted to stream from our respective computers: me from my Macbook and he from his desktop PC in the Den. WELL his desktop was easy enough- the PS3 recognized it right away and we could stream movies from there without a problem. My Macbook was a whole other set of worms...the PS3 didn't want to recognize it at all. So I set out to find a solution, and I found it in a free program called: PS3 Media Server (how very fitting!).

Basicall you just download this program, install it into your Applications folder, and then set up which folders you'd like to "share" to your PS3. I for instance, wanted my movies, music, and photos to be viewable- so I added those folders under the share tab. The one stipulation is that this program has to be running in order to get the movies off your hard drive. I don't mind this one little bit because I'd like to know when people are streaming movies off my harddrive. And it's free- so no complaining here.

It's not beautiful, but it's easy and free. And now I can watch the Sound of Music whenever I want without reconnecting anything.

E-BPs

2009-05-31T23:24:00.002-05:00

So I just checked in for my flight to Edmonton using WestJet's web check in process! It was really easy- very happy I checked in ahead of time since I got to choose my seat! They had me at the back of the plane but I managed to get a seat up front- aisle, but it'll have to do lol.

What I'm really looking forward to is trying out this E-BP (or e-boarding pass) that I got sent to my Blackberry! VERY cool! Or so I thought- it's really just an email with some code in it and a few flight details...kinda boring looking. But if it works then it's great cause I don't have to worry about paper boarding passes on all my Ottawa-Edmonton flights!!

Will update later on the success of this system. And how much it costs me in overage charges to get my mamoth bag on the airplane....

How to Activate Your Hidden Vista Admin Account so you can give your crappy Microsoft computer to somebody else!!

2009-05-22T15:46:00.003-05:00

So...of course, as these things go...my laptop that blew up on me a few weeks ago? Turns out it only appeared to blow up. My Dad, being slightly blind and very absent minded went and turned on my old laptop today- and of course it started up just fine. Granted, 2 minutes later it turned itself off for fear of overheating...but the point was it works. Just fine.

But I refuse to go back to my old crappy Windows computer (as about 10 minutes of trying to get it ready for my Dad convinced me if I was otherwise wavering!)...so I decided to delete all my files, my account, and let my Dad have a nice computer with nothing but all my apps on it (ha!)

Of course, nothing is easy in Windows. I tried creating a new admin account and delete my personal account...but alas, Windows refused to let the new admin account modify an OLD admin account. I tried changing my account to a standard account- once again, no dice.

I knew there was a hidden Admin account in Vista but I had no idea how to activate it. So I used my trusty new Mac to find out how! (Yes, I know it's not the fact that it's a Mac that I found the solution to my Windows problem, but when I did the same search on my Windows computer it was going so slow I wanted to kill myself!)

SO: STEPS to GET YOUR OLD COMP READY FOR A NEW OWNER WITHOUT DELETING THE APPLICATIONS!

1) Make sure you have any files you want off your account. Put em on an external drive.

2)Follow these instructions that I got from here: http://www.computerperformance.co.uk/vista/vista_administrator_activate.htm

How to Activate the Hidden Vista Administrator

Key decision - decide if you need a password for the administrator's account that you are going to activate. My point is that the local policy may insist on a complex password, thus you will not be able to activate the administrator with a blank password. This technique also works on Windows Server 2008, however on that operating system it is more likely you will set /active:no.

Overview

Logon to Vista using your usual account.
Launch the cmd prompt - Make sure you select, 'Run as administrator'
Net user administrator password
Net user administrator /active:yes
Switch User, or logoff
Logon as Administrator Password p£ssw0rD
(Your password may be different!)

Detailed Instructions to activate the Administrator

Logon to Vista using your normal username and password.
Click on the Start button
Click on Start Search.
Type, cmd.
Right-click cmd, select 'Run as administrator' from the shortcut menu.
In the black 'DOS box', type the following at the command line:
Net help user
The idea of the last command is just to observe the options for Net User. In particular, examine the syntax to set the password.
The next instruction is the crucial command. I have chosen password = password, you may want to choose different characters.
Net user administrator p£ssw0rd
Net user administrator /active:yes
Check the message : The command completed successfully
Switch User, or logoff
Logon as Administrator Password p£ssw0rD (Your password may be different!)

Trap1: There should be no space between the word 'active' and the colon.

/active :yes is wrong.
/active:yes is correct.

Trap2: You need a forward slash before /active

Net user administrator active:yes is wrong
Net user administrator /active:yes is correct

Thanks to Rob Hilton for pointing out this trap.

Trapx: Pay close attention to the command, it should be active, not activate.

I thank Ben O'Sullivan for correcting this activate --> active error.

3) LOG OFF the account you want to delete.

4) LOG INTO the new account Administrator account that is now waiting for you on the log in screen. The password is the one you set, if you followed the above instructions to a T it's password.

5) Go into the control pannel and choose User Accounts.

6) Pick the option that's labelled "modify other accounts" or something like that.

7) A box will show up with all the accounts on that computer, including a guest account I bet you never knew was there. Click on the account you wanted to Delete.

8) Pick "Delete Account."

9) Choose to Delete all the files (so nobody else can have them). Confirm this choice.

10) WAIT. If you have a ton of files, it'll take well over an hour. Go have a cup of coffee.

Then log off you Admin account, never to touch it again unless the other accounts won't let you do something basic you want to do. AND/OR create a new main account for your computer.

VOILA! Hand it over to it's new owner knowing all your files are long gone.

Now my dad just needs to get a new fan and he'll have a good as old computer!

God Will Find a Way

2009-05-20T11:05:00.002-05:00

So most of you have probably heard my speal lately about finding my path. I've always been a planner- I like to know where I'm going and when and how I'm getting there. In my mind, whenever I leave something up to chance it goes wrong so why take that chance with my life, right?

Well- sometimes God has other ideas. I remember being told, by my youth pastor, when I was in grade 9, that plans are great and all but that I can't expect my life to turn out exactly as I planed it- because God's got his own plan for me. I think I actually laughed at him. Well, darn it, I've gone and put my foot in my mouth- again. And here's why:

When I got accepted to York's design program I was over the moon: the spots were limited, I was gung-ho to be a graphic designer, and I knew York had the best program in the country. I was determined that I would join the student design association, get some wicked internships, and go off and become a great designer...if not a famous one. Then, about a month before I was to leave for York I got a letter saying I'd been kicked out- my GPA was to low. Why? Because I'd miscommunicated with my French teacher and she'd given me a bad mark- a LOW mark, and it had affected my marks so badly that I'd been kicked out of University. Before I even GOT there!

Well needless to say, I was devestated. I was sure my life as I knew it was over- I was going to have to work at Farmboy for the rest of my life. My parents assured me this wasn't the case, but I couldn't be convinced. Anyways, after many weeks of fighting with York's admin, they finally put me in a different program- FACS, and as you all know, I hate FACS. But I went. And I did it- now I'm graduating from it. I stuck it out and I'm glad I did. Because something became very clear to me while I was in Toronto: I'm not designer material. My calling is with kids. I don't know WHY this came as a shock to me- the reason I was going to be a designer (or at least part of it) was that I could work at home and stay with my yet-to-be-born children! But alas, I apparently wasn't looking at my life in the right light so God had to shove it in my face- like it or not. There it was. Granted I can only see this with 20/20 hindsight. I wasn't quite so sure of myself as it was happening to me.

And now, we've been sent to Edmonton. Yup, that wasn't in the plan either. But- I have to say, who am I to question it when OBVIOUSLY there's something at work here that I'm not aware of, or can't even fathom.

So that's why I have to say Alelujia and be thankful to God for showing me my path. I'm sure my path will change several times before I'm through needing paths- but I have to go for it. Y'know that song "Jesus Take the Wheel"? I listened to that song for 3 hours my first night in Toronto, feeling destitute, alone, and SO scared. And he did.

Praise God.

Calling Cards and why everyone should have them.

2009-05-18T21:23:00.002-05:00

So today, as a ceremonial middle finger to Toronto, I changed my cellphone number to an Edmonton one! I no longer have ANY ties to Toronto! WEEHEE!! You know what's kinda sad? It really wasn't hard to get rid of any of the ties I DID have...maybe an hour of solid calling to change addresses, but that's about it. Tsk tsk. Toronto and I just never meshed. But now I'm rid of it!

And as another ceremonial Toronto-ridding thing, I ordered myself some very cute little calling cards from Moo.com. I've been dieing to order something from Moo.com for the longest time- ever since I came across them like...3 years ago. They're a printing company with a modern twist- they do business cards, what they call "mini cards" (what I ordered), postcards, greeting cards, stickers, etc. I ordered the mini cards with some of my favourite geometric graphics on the back- so I'll get approx. 15 of each design, and on the back they'll have my NEW phone numbers and my boring old email address. WHY would I want these you may ask? Well- it's a function of our fast-paced society that when somebody asks for your contact information, they want it 10 minutes ago. They don't want to sit there while you fiddle through your purse for some paper, for a pen, and then scrawl out your details in your barely-legible handwriting. A) it's long B) it's messy and C) it's missing a golden opportunity to show a peek of your personality. So now, when I meet people in Edmonton and want to share my info with them all I need to do is pull out my pretty new ORANGE mini card holder, slide out a card (they're small, and longer and thinner than a standard business card), and give it to them. So not only do they get my information in a time-sensitive and legible manner, but they have a little glimpse of who I am through the graphics I chose to put on the back. ANYONE who is moving to a new city should have calling cards- hell, I think everyone should make a conscious effort to have them available if they don't have business cards.

Anyways, any of you who are going to be invited to my wedding are sure to see some Moo.com products at some point, if you don't get your hands on my calling card- I already have lots of amazing ideas for how to apply their products to my budget-conscious wedding!

Moving to a Mac

2009-05-14T12:03:00.002-05:00

Okay- so about a month ago now, my laptop blew up. Yup- sparks and all. It was quite spectacular. But it was also the last straw. Since that laptop had been in the shop THREE TIMES in it's short one year life, and my desktop had gone that way at least once before the laptop even showed up- I decided that Microsoft had had it's chance and it was time to let Apple take a crack at it. After all- doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity right? So why keep buying a Windows computer when they continue to fail on me?

So I bought a 13 inch Macbook. I even went all out and bought the new aluminum one with the cool multi-touch trackpad, bigger harddrive and ultra-eco friendly features. I figured if I was going to go Mac I would make a good go of it.

So- a month in, am I happy with my choice? YES!!

A) I've had my Mac for a month and have yet to have it crash, freeze, give me an error message, or do some wierd voodoo trick on me.

B) There is so much support for it. I had to figure some things out- how to tether my Blackberry, and make sure it didn't interfere with my wireless (which I had to call the AppleCare hotline for- 20 minutes later it was fixed, and it only took that long because my hardrive had to index!).

C) It works with all the things a Windows computer does- but unlike Windows, it just DOES it. Want to uninstall an app? Drag it to the trash can. Yeah, that easy- no control pannel to fiddle with. No cluttered desktop- all my most used apps are in the bottom dock, and the ones I want access to but dont' need to stare at all the time go in my applications folder which maximizes when I hover over it. Yes, it takes a bit of getting used to not having a taskbar. But once you get used to it it's awesome. And, with the trackpad actions, if I swipe down with my 4 fingers it shows me all the windows I have open- awesome.

So yeah, those are my major loves about my Macbook. Oh yeah- that and when I open it up, it TURNS ON in under a minute. It's amazing. That's all I can really say- it just works.

As for the must-have apps? Here's what I have installed on my Macbook:

Firefox (got rid of Safari, hate it. Install Foxmarks and get all your bookmarks and passwords instantly!)
MSN (the Mac version is a tad stripped down but I like it)
Skype (to make up for the lack of webcam in MSN)
MS Office for Mac (I was a little scared by the lack of OneNote in the Mac version- until I realised it's integrated into Word! And it works way better than OneNote!)
Photoshop (because I use it every day!)
DexRex Extensions (to archive all my MSN and SMS conversations!)
VLC Media Player (for watching movies in all formats)
Calaboration (syncs my iCal and Gcal- which syncs to my Blackberry)
Caffeine (to keep my screen alive while watching movies- stop my Mac from going to sleep)
Dropbox (an online thumb drive so I can print documents at school, access them from other computers)
Windows Live Sync (this app saved my school year. I had it set up on my Desktop so when my laptop went bust I knew that all my files were backed up wirelessly to my Desktop. Once my Desktop arrived in Edmonton I got Scott to boot it up, connect it to the internet, and since I'd set it up on my laptop it auto synced- all my files, in the right folders, wirelessly. THANK GOD!)
AutoRate (Rates my iTunes songs based on how many times I've played/skipped them- it's just neat)
uTorrent (for downloading movies, etc!)
FrostWire (like Limewire but sans adverts. Great for music accquisition)
Walley Balley (this is a fun little game that uses the motion sensor in my computer- you tilt the computer- it moves the ball! I generally only play it to show off for my friends lol)
iStumbler (a nice little free app that tells me which Wifi networks are open and which are closed- so I can steal signals easier)
Monolingual (this little program helps you delete the languages your computer has in it that you are never going to use to retreive space- I got over 4 gigs back! That's enough for all my music! And you can delete it afterwards!)

Apple-included Programs I Have Grown to Adore:
Expose (swipe down with 4 fingers on your trackpad and it distributes your open windows so you can pick the one you want- hover over the one you want and swipe up, or click on it and it comes to the front. If you swipe up with 4 fingers originally it gives you your desktop!)
iPhoto (organises your photographs, by Face- yes it recognises faces!, place- uses your geotagged photos, and event. LOVE it!)
iCal (simple stripped down calendar app. Adore it!)
Preview (a powerful document reader for Mac. If you select anything on a Mac and hit the spacebar it'll give you a preview of it- and it reads PDF documents flawlessly- no adobe reader!)

I'll post updates as I figure more out. YES, you have right-click (you have to set it in preferences, but it's there). Which was my big thing. But so far- this has been the best computere ever. It's a joy to use.

Oh yeah- and it has a 3 year warrenty on it. Yeah, it cost 150$ for the extended warrenty- but it covers EVERYTHING. What does that mean? If this one blows up in my lap- Apple will replace it or anything that's damaged on it. Even if it's just normal wear and tear.

I think I just became a Mac Fangirl...

The Apple Spa- Toronto

2009-03-29T22:36:00.002-05:00

So while Missa was here this past weekend we decided to go get a cheap mani/pedi at a little salon that's around the corner from where I live. I figured a 35$ mani/pedi...you can't really go wrong there.

The salon is located at Yonge and Eglinton, off Eglinton on Holly St. From the outside it looks like a really nice little spa. Inside, not so much. This is obviously a startup that hasn't gotten quite started. It was enjoyable enough- they sat us in massaging chairs and did our toes in a fair manner...it was relaxing and enjoyable and the results were good. My poor toes have been absolutely abused over the last year so it was time for them to get some maintenance done. It was nice, nothing special. The manicure was similarly done in a fair fashion...the colour selection wasn't huge but it was nice enough. I got two very bright colours on my fingers and toes...very happy with it. BUT- here's where we go wrong...first, they forgot to remind me to pay before they started on my fingers...a big no no. Then- once we were done there was only one drying station, so I had to relenquish it to Melissa. Not a big problem, had I been able to sit and let them dry, but I couldn't. They wanted to be paid. Fair enough...but when I went to hand them my credit card, they said they didn't accept it! (Despite the Mastercard symbol on their door!)...now that pissed me off. I had to put on my shoes (which, btw- ruined my nails. One of them beyond repair. The woman said she'd fix it when I got back, but then never did!)...I had to go to the ATM to get money, which further ruined my nails. So all in all it would have been an awesome experience...had they taken the form of payment they advertised! What salon doesn't take credit cards?!

So now my nails are ruined but I refuse to take the polish off until my other fingers start to get destroyed...which'll be by the end of the week I'm sure. My toes are fine though- they had longer to dry. I want to find the colour of OPI they used on my fingers because I'm in love with it!

REBELLION!

2009-03-29T21:46:00.003-05:00

I did something this weekend that I've been planning on doing for the last 4 years or so: I got a second hole pierced in my ears!!

Now I know to many of you reading this you're going "yeah, join the club sweetheart, that's no big deal"...well, to you, it's not. To me, it was a rash spur-of-the-moment-decision and something I've been wanting to do for a long time...it felt SO freeing! I didn't really talk it over with anyone but Melissa, I just decided I wanted it done and went and did it. Hehe- SO not the way I usually do things...but I'm happy I did it. Now I just need to wait for a month and a bit for the holes to heal and then I can put in my new tiny diamond studs that I got for the insane steal of 60$...I love Overstock.com! Yes, they're teeny, but that's exactly what I wanted...nothing to outshine the beautiful studs Scott gave me, just to compliment them- because the gross CZ studs they pierced me with are awful.

So yeah- Missa and I had an awesome weekend! We got lots of stuffs that we loved...I got a great denim dress that I can't wait to have an occasion to wear. I think if it's warm enough I'll break it out for when Mommy takes me to see The Sound of Music when I'm done school- it'll be a big hurrah- NO MORE YORK! We're staying at the Sheraton and going for a 3 course meal at the restaurant there (for those of you who don't know...the Sheraton in Toronto and my family have a LONG history together...it's like "our" hotel, lol.) It'll be fantastic. It'll also be really sad because it'll be the day I have to say bye to the Callahans...but I'm trying not to think about that aspect of it. It's not like I'll never see them again...they have to come to my wedding!!

And now April begins. I need to go pay my rent. I need to figure out what's happening with the hydro company. I need to finish all these essays and projects and presentations. I need to move all my stuff. I need to finish this play. I need to throw my parents a 25th wedding anniversary party. I need to get rid of all my booze and the food in my fridge. ARGH!!

I want April to just evaporate into the ether.

How to Get Into Freelance Childcare (According to Lana)

2009-03-21T20:20:00.002-05:00

Okay- so I'm sitting at home alone on a Saturday night, as is the norm, and I got asked for the EIGTH MILLIONTH TIME how I got into nannying/babysitting/part-time/fulltime/childcare. Basically a lot of people find it really intriguing that I don't have a "real job", but that rather I work for a family or two as their primary childcare provider. I don't know why this is so damn interesting- but most of the time when I tell people what I do to support myself I get greeted with wide-eyed amazement. I don't know if it's the fact that I don't work for a company, that I generally get paid "under the table" (no telling!), or that I can actually find myself enough business to support my lifestyle while still in school...but every once in a while I stumble accross somebody who asks me "how did you get into that?!" like the world of child care is a closed club one must have the magic key to get into. So I decided I'd write about it- cause I have time on my hands.

So how did I get into childcare? Well, first of all- when I was younger I didn't babysitt a lot. This wasn't for lack of trying. I always offered my services to adults, usually having them smile demurely and never to speak of it again. I know now that this is probably because I was 12-14 and not viewed as responsible enough to look after small children. Cool, fine, I get it, didn't work out- I had a normal job all through highschool, and when I moved to Toronto I also looked for a normal job, and found one. Curiously enough I noticed by the end of highschool that I was getting a lot more calls to look after kids, only between school, my friends, my family, and my "real job", there was no time. I really didn't give it much thought- this is all looking back with crystal clear 20/20 hindsight.

So I move to Toronto to go to school, find my "real job", and immediately realize that working at a "real job" where you don't like your boss, and don't know any of the people you're working with, is really horrible. Especially when you're not being paid enough and asked to do crazy things like keep a storefront running while simultaneously receiving packages of large breakables in the basement. Not good. So I start looking on the job boards for a new job, hoping that at this late stage (it was about mid-May by this point) that there were still jobs to be had. Now here's the kicker- I wasn't looking into childcare, I just knew connecting with kids was something I was good at. And that's when I stumbled accross Gemma Callahan's 2 week old ad for a sitter for her 3 kids. To be honest, it was the pay she was offering that grabbed me- 15$ an hour. Compared to my measly 9$ an hour that seemed astronomical, especially when I was paying taxes on that 9$ and here I was being offered cash payment. AWESOME! So I send in my resume, along with a coverletter explaining why I was applying, and the next day Gemma callled me all eager to meet me. I was exatatic. Having always loved children, and knowing I was good with children, I was really hoping this would work out. I went to meet them, fell in love with all their kids- aswell as the parents, and the rest is history. I've been working for the Callahans for nearly two years now. In about two weeks I quit my "real job" and got a part-time "real job" (with my dad's company, so not really a real job) so I could focus on working for them. When summer came, the job at Dad's work stopped and I continued working for the Callahans. The next summer, when it came time to get another job to compliment my job with them, I went about finding another family so I could do childcare full time- and I did, the Thompson/DeJeans, and I adored that experience aswell. Now moving to Edmonton, although I considered normal jobs, I have spent the last three months trying to find a good family to work for- and it paid off, I just got hired as a full-time Nanny for the summer with what appears to be a great family.

So another question I get a lot is: how? How do you do it? Well, first off, being in childcare requires you to be really vigilant about finding a job. Both in the case of the Thompson/DeJeans and the Frizzels, I didn't start looking for a family and immediately find one- oh no. It took me at least two months to find the right family, who were not only serious about hiring me, but whom I clicked with. (More on that later!) I put at least 30 ads on Craigslist, Kijiji, CanadianSitter, and I sent out tons of resumes to the people who responded to them. But as it usually happens, one family comes out in front- either they're most serious, or they click the best with you. A big part of finding the right family has to do with how you advertise yourself. Your ads have to be very clear about who you are as a person, and what you're offering that family. It has to be a good balance of proclaiming your experience, while also wording it properlly so that the family has a good idea of your personality. Oddly enough, I've only ever found jobs off of Craigslist and Kijiji...despite Canadian Sitter sounding like it's more to the point. But if it's free, then why not try it?! As somebody who isn't looking for a job with a company- but with a family- it's not like a family advertises their needs...YOU need to advertise yourself.

Now, about clicking. I have an unwritten rule about a family: I REFUSE to work for a family where I don't feel comfortable having a conversation with the parents. I just can't do it. Why? Well, because I'm going to be spending a ton of time in these people's home, I'm going to be in charge of their child. If I can't have a conversation with them, how am I supposed to integrate myself into their family life? Eat out of their fridge? (btw- if you have a family who informs you that you aren't welcome to their food, run!) Bathe their kids? Wear your backup sweatpants around their house?! (again, more later). There have been several instances where I've sat through entire interviews with a parent knowing full well that I'm not going to accept to work for them. Usually, the parent can feel this disconnect too and the interview is quite short. Sometimes, they're clueless. But YOU need to know what kind of people YOU can work for. If you accept a job with people you despise you're not likely to stay with them for long. Why? Because of what I said above, and because you won't be motivated to do the best job you can possibly do for them if you hate them.

That brings me to another thing- you're offering a service that a lot of people consider to not take a lot of skill. I know better, I know that being a child care provider takes a ton of skill- a lot of that latent inherent skill that can't be taught. Some people just click with kids, others don't. There are a lot of people who will try and get into childcare who don't really give a fig about kids- I've seen a lot of them working for families. How these people get hired, I have no idea. They must be good spin masters because I have enough trouble finding people to hire me when they can see that I've done my homework, when I have terrific references. But if you want to get into private child care and you want to enjoy it- you have to be commited to doing it well. This, as I said, goes hand in hand with loving the family you're working for. I will bend over backwards to accomodate a family I love- I will rearrange plans, stay late, stay OVER if they need me to if I love them. If I don't like the family I'm working for, I'm hardly inclined to change my date with my fiance or to get up 2 hours early to go to school the next morning because I stayed over at their house. I will clean, cook, take the kids out in the rain, do laundry, get muddy and gross- all for a family I love. If I don't like who I'm working for I'm parking my butt on the couch and making the kids come to me. This doesn't do me, or the family, and good- so for everybody's good loving who you work for is important.

Now, about these backup pants. It's my firm belief that I should keep a pair of backup pants at every house I work in. And in my car (when I get my car). Why? Because when you work with kids, you get gross. Whether it's a baby peeing on you, a kid throwing up on you, getting mud all over you at the park, or an arts-and-crafts accident, it's gonna happen at some point. (This is also why you don't wear 200$ designer jeans to work- the 40$ variety work just fine. Since that's all I ever wear, it works out fine for me!) So I keep a pair of 10$ Walmart sweatpants around in case of emergencies. Usually I bring them on my first day and ask the parents where it would be best to keep them and just explain that if they come home and I'm in sweats it's because what I walked in in is no longer in serviceable condition. Most employers (the ones you click with!) will see the practicality in this and tell you to stick em in the coat closet. Good stuff.

So yeah, that's my views on how to get into private childcare. In my opinion, it's really hard work to get into it, but it's SO worth it not to be working for "the man". And because on rainy days when I have a headache I don't have to stare at a computer screen and deal with annoying customers- I get to curl up on the couch with my kids and read the Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

Chugging Along

2009-03-21T20:00:00.002-05:00

So things are chugging along- something I'm VERY happy about! Scott and I will have an appraiser here on Tuesday so they can see how much junk we have and estimate how many boxes it'll take to get all that junk from point A (Toronto) to point B (Edmonton). Fun stuff. Tomorrow I have to spend all day cleaning up this sty of an apartment (as it's that way since I've been so sick the last few weeks, I haven't cared enough to clean!) so that I'm not totally embarassed to have this appraiser in my home.

Also, Katherine came today and started the application process for the apartment! I'm so excited! This will get this place off my back so I can go to Edmonton worry-free and not have to freak out about adminstrating this from the other side of the country. YEE! And when I signed the paper to allow Katherine to apply for my apartment I got to put down the Edmonton address as my forwarding address...that's the first time I've used it as "my address"...it felt so good!

AND- (shush!) I got a job in Edmonton! YEEE! SO happy! I love the Callahans and I'm going to be SO UPSET to have to say goodbye to them when I leave (lots of tears I'm sure!). But the fact that I've got a new family waiting for me in Edmonton is a huge weight off my shoulders. I'll be working for Michelle and Clint Frizzel and their son Alex, who will be just about 1 year old at that point. I'm so excited to start something new- even though I really don't want to leave the Callahans behind. They've been so amazing to me- helping me in every way possible, and I truely 100% believe that had I not had them in Toronto I would have never made it this far. I would have quit a long time ago.

BUT (SHUSH!), another perk of this job is that I need a car to get to it. Now, I've been bitching for a car for a LONG time...every time I get stuck I cry cause I want a car so badly (hell, let's face it, everytime I leave the house I cry inside cause I want a car). I love driving and I love having the freedom having a car gives me. SO- Scott and I agreed we'd get me a cheep little used car. So far we've looked at a 2002 Kia Sportage, a few early-2000s Tiberons, an Alero or two...not fancy cars, but cars that'll get me from point A to B and are cute. I'll still have to take the LRT to school during the year, and probably won't take it anywhere spectacular (Ie: I probably won't drive to Banff in it!), but I'm so looking forward to having my own car! YEEE!

So yeah...that's really where I'm at at the moment. There's a lot to do and not a ton of time to do it in but I'm confident that I can get it done. Hell, I have to get it done- I have to get it done and over with. NO MORE YORK!

Time Flies When You're Doing Nothing

2009-03-12T21:36:00.004-05:00

Okay so that's a bald-faced lie- I wasn't doing NOTHING. I WAS however, stuck in limbo for three months. The YorkU strike of 2008/9 has finally come to a close, and we're back in class. To my dismay- this has pushed back the end of my school year by TWO AGONIZING MONTHS! I'm not a fan of school at the best of times- but when you force me to extend a school year I was already wishing away with all my might, I REALLY hate it! So now not only am I wishing it away, I'm putting my head down and Gittin' er' done! I WILL come out on the other side of this ordeal known as YorkU with something to show for it- a degree. I can't make any promises beyond that.

Ontop of the strike I've been getting ready to move to Edmonton WITH MY FIANCE! That's right- Scott proposed on New Years right after midnight! It wasn't the most eloquent proposal ever but it was definitely sweet and of course I said yes! That picture really doesn't do my gorgeous ring justice. I can criticize Scott for a lot of things, but bad taste in jewllery isn't one of them! Needless to say I was quite pleased when while giving a presentation in class today someone put their hand up and said "um...could you please stop gesturing...your ring is catching the light and flashing in my eyes!"...I had a little blushing bride moment there lol. But yes- back to the move. Once Scott and I were nice and engaged I told my parents we'd be moving to Edmonton TOGETHER. They were not pleased. But they weren't as judgemental as I thought they'd be either. They seem to realize that I'm doing this in as a responsible fashion as I can muster. I'm going to school, I'm getting a job, I'm not asking them for any money- so they might not approve, but they've accepted it. And that's about all I can ask for. I am getting really excited...Scott's booked us a moving date and the movers are supposed to call to set up a time to come appraise the apartment for how many boxes they think they'll need (TONS!), and then it'll just be a matter of time! I'm trying to focus ferociously on that fact: this will be over in no time at all. I'm trying to step back and actually enjoy it- this cusp of a new chapter in my life. I just miss Scott so much and I'm tired of living by myself. But I also know that approximately 2 months after moving there Edmonton will cease to be new and exciting and become dull and run of the mill- if anything the fact that Ottawa has all the sudden become exciting again after 19 years of living there is proof of that. Toronto, on the other hand, never had and never will have a sparkle to it. I'm done with Toronto. D-O-N-E. One of Edmonton's big advantages is that it's not here.

So now I focus on school (I'm supposed to be preparing for a presentation at this very moment!) and getting better (I've been seriously sick for the first time in a very long time for the last week!), and just, as I said before, gittin' er' done. I'm sure one day I'll look back at these few months with fondness, but right now they're hell. I want out of this apartment and into the adventure of staying with the Callahans...which I'm really looking forward to despite the fact that it means less sleep. They're the best family ever. But that's another post.

How Do You Say Goodbye?

2008-12-07T22:25:00.002-05:00

This whole army-Edmonton thing wouldn't be so damn hard (especially since I got into Grant MacEwan!) if it weren't for my parents. I'm wrestling with how to tell them that I'm moving to Edmonton without sounding ungrateful or anything like that- which with normal people would be fairly easy- you pick your words and you talk to them in a calm voice and you lay out your facts and they respond accordingly. Not with my parents. No no no. Once my parents get a wiff of what I'm trying to tell them they'll jump on me and start asking questions so fast that I can't get the answers out in time- oh I'll have the answers, I just can't explain all the intricacies of the army and moving with the army to them at rapid-fire speed. So once I'm overwhelmed by trying to answer all their questions so fast they'll start to lay on the guilt and the sanctions- which inevitably will make me start to tear up because whenever I'm confronted with authority I tear up. My father will pick up on this and press his advantage- until I'm full blown crying at which point he'll declare that if I can't have a mature discussion about it then I'm not mature enough to move to Edmonton with my boyfriend and leave the room. It doesn't help that my parents are morally against me living with Scott- the idea of their baby girl living with her boyfriend scares the bejeebus out of them.

So I have two options- go in there, preface with the request that they hold their tougnes until I've said my peice, and if they refuse or reneg then I re-itterate what I said before and if they still won't shut up and let me have my say tell them that I'll revisit the topic with them when they're ready to have an adult conversation and leave before they can get a wiff of my fear.

Option number two is I completely skirt the whole issue of having this big, looming face to face and give them the letter I've been painstakingly authouring and run- and then have the face to face after the dishes have been smashed and the steam is no longer coming out of their ears.

Of course I have a third option- which is a nice little hybrid of the two- give them the letter and then run, and come back when the dust has settled to have THE TALK.

Oh happy day, what shall I choose?

Oh the upside Scott and I have talked to our rental agent and she seems to know what we're looking for, I have a clear design vision for what our apartment will look like once we get an apartment, Grant has changed my status from "applicant" to "student", and I'm in a nice position of not having to much work to do once this strike finishes.

On the downside this strike isn't over yet and when I drop this little bomb on Mama and Papa kinda depends on when my classes end.

I just want all this to be over so I can move my ass to Edmonton and have done with it. It's bad enough knowing I have to go to Edmonton when Scott's here to go to Edmonton with- but in three short weeks he'll be gone, and I'll have to be here waiting to finish this DAMN degree so I can follow.

ARG!!

Note to Self

2008-11-24T15:37:00.004-05:00

My friends Claire and Jenn from the good ol' days of OYP have started a project called Note to Self. The idea being that you write your younger self a short note relaying important information. Something that you know had you received it at that time might have made a big difference.

The whole thing has got me thinking. What would I have told myself in highschool? Elementary school? What simple words from the future would have had a profound impact on my life?

As a child I was unbelieveably insecure. Growing up in a very closed small community in Elementary school I think I could have used some words of encouragement: The boys you're stuck with now won't matter in just a few short years. Ask Mommy to enroll you in drama classes now.

In highschool I could have used a good verbal smack: What you're going through now will prepare you for what lies ahead. Don't focus on what Mom and Dad want for you- focus on what you want for yourself, what YOU know you're good at. Boys aren't worth it. You're stronger than you think. Working is important but the memories you'll make when you take off work are what you'll remember.

Even now I know what I need to tell myself: Do what feels right, yes, they'll be angry but they'll get over it. Take a chance. Everything will work out.

I think that's the essence of it all: If you try your best, and don't do anything rash or unbeleiveably stupid, IT WILL ALL WORK ITSELF OUT! I stress myself out about details that in the long run are meaningless. It's important to recognise what is life changing and what seems life changing but will be soon forgotten.

So that's my new mantra: It will work itself out. No more trying to please everyone...it'll work out.

I got in!

2008-11-18T14:53:00.003-05:00

So today started off pretty standard...woke up around 1 (yes, with this strike my sleep schedule is so totally off...I go to bed around 2am and wake up around 1pm.) went to go get showered and changed, and I hear the mail come through the slot! So I go check it out and low and behold I have a letter from Grant...about one week after I got my original letter telling me all the documents they were missing (well duh- your online application form is so Alberta-exclusive!). So I was expecting it to be something like "we're missing your second university transcript, a health record, and you need to take a language proficiency exam."

But NO! Apparently Albertans do it faster. It was a conditional acceptance! All I need to do is accept the offer, and then provide them with a health record check, a security clearance, and proof of Childcare First aid by August 1st and I'm in! YAY! So I'm just filling out the papers I can right now and will ship those off tomorrow.

I'm so excited- I could care less about York right now, I just want to get on with it!

Radical Feminists

2008-11-13T17:22:00.003-05:00

I am SO tired of radical feminists! My friend Matt and I were talking about this earlier today- and I'm happy to say I've finally found somebody who sees it from my perspective. He was saying his friend was riding his other friend because she'd chosen to stop working and stay at home with her newborn baby. Friend #1's opinion was that this was a giant step back for feminism. Now I don't say people's opinions are wrong often (...that's a lie...I say it all the time!) but this time she actually is.

It is BECAUSE of feminism that Friend #2 has the opportunity to CHOOSE to stay home with her baby. Just because we gained the right to vote and equal wages (which still aren't quite equal) doesn't mean that all the stuff that used to be "women's work" just evaporated into the ether. Children still need loving care, to be taught right and wrong, and to feel connected to their parents (preferably both, but we all know it's harder for men to bond). It's my opinion that if you can't provide your children with these things then you just shouldn't be having children...but that's a whole other issue. What was once "women's work" has now become paying positions for many...but the fact that the feminist movement happened allows us the ability to CHOOSE to stick our child in daycare and pay people to clean our houses and make our dinners, or to CHOOSE to stay home and do all those things ourselves (which in my opinion is the more economical but again, whole other issue!) Choosing one way or the other doesn't make you a worse or better person...it's a choice.

Now, I've been knocked by several people for choosing to work with kids. I've been called backwards and disgrace for not choosing to go out into the world and sit behind a desk all day. What these people fail to see if that children make me happy. I choose to be the one who gives hugs, reads "Counting with Elmo" 1800 times and changes diapers. To me, this is the most important work in the world- nurturing and loving these children while teaching them to become productive adults. I'm so tired of people complaining to me that nobody can control their kids anymore- when it's because they don't put in the time or effort to learn how. I'm by no means anti-feminist, but it's my opinion that with the right to vote and work for equal pay we lost sacred knowledge that's been passed down from generation to generation: that of how to raise kids. It's my choice to take that long forgotten knowledge, learn from it, modernise it a little, and apply it to kids who REALLY need it! And when I have my own children I too will leave my job, and stay at home to raise my son or daughter and any that may come after them. I will, once they get a bit older, take in kids for before/after school or daycare in order to contribute to the household coffer, but again, that's my choice. And I'm no less of "modern woman" because of it!

Bagged Milk

2008-11-12T18:03:00.004-05:00

So I discovered a while ago that milk doesn't come in bags in the US. Now I know this seems like an non-issue to most people, but I've had two americans big me today about it so I'm going to say it ONCE:

NO! It's not a stupid concept it's a perfectly awesome concept, infact it's way greener than those stupid jugs.

NO! It's not disgusting to leave the bag in it's little jug open in the fridge. Milk is pasteurized! Plus it's usually consumed fairly quickly! Infact I prefer milk that's been open for a day or two!

STRIKE!

2008-11-06T12:38:00.002-05:00

So York is officially on strike! YES! I hope the profs get what they're demanding and I hope that they get it in exactly two weeks from today. After that, we're good.

On another note: I really hope I get a dishwasher and in-suite laundry when we move to Edmonton. This whole fighting people for a washing machine is getting kinda old.

Unplugged

2008-11-04T18:05:00.003-05:00

Lately I've been feeling unplugged. Exhausted, worn out, bored, tired, and just plain apathetic. This, if you know me, is not my natural state. I tend more toward the energetic and outgoing. I blame this, unfortunately (for me and the people who have to deal with me) on school.

Why?

I'm graduating in June and I'm afraid I'm finding most of what I'm learning quite pointless (if you'll allow me to put it that plainly). Monday to Friday I wake up DREADING the day ahead of me, and only when I have the opportunity to go to work do I find myself even slightly enthused. Having completed college applications this week (and consequentially discovering that nobody gives a damn if I have a degree or not) I'm now looking toward the hopefully more happy future.

This future of mine is really taking up a lot of my attention lately. The more I read up on the different colleges I've applied to the more confused and excited I become. Unfortunately for my parents- the school that excites me the most is Grant MacEwan in Edmonton. I hadn't even looked into this school until Scott's posting revelation, but now that I have I'm just plain tickled. Their class outlines are absolutely enthralling me, and their facilities are only 2 years old. 2 years! I haven't been in a school that new since Maple Ridge! (For those of you who don't go that far back- I attended Maple Ridge E.S in Orleans for my grade 7/8 years.) It even houses a daycare centre where we can do our practicum. And the kicker is it's exactly 45 minutes away from where Scott'll be posted for the next 2+ years. Yes, Algonquin, Fanshaw, Seneca, and others are very good schools...I've been reading up on them too, and some (most noteably Seneca) compare to Grant Mac. But I refuse to stay in Toronto for another two years. Case closed.

So all this leads me to the huge possibility of me leaving Ontario for two years to go live in Alberta with Scott. This was NOT part of the original plan, and yet- it feels fortuitous. My life seems to go off in odd directions without me really intending it to, and yet I always seem to end up where I ought to be even if it wasn't where I intended to be- does that make sense? As an example- I got into York, I failed out of York before even getting to attend, I got put into another program that turns out was much more suited to me than the original (as having discovered I would have failed right out of the original had I stayed there!), I meet the most amazing family I've ever met and discover my passion doesn't lie with computers but with children. See? NOT where I intended to end up, but looking back with 20/20 hindsight- exactly where I ought to be. I call this the grace of God. All that "God has a plan for you even if you can't see it" stuff that I never believed seems to be ringing quite true...so maybe this is his next move? Maybe there's something in Alberta for me that I can't see right now but that I'll regret not checking out if I don't go? No matter how much I pray on it and how many alternatives I research I still feel myself being pulled there (and not just because Scott will be there!). My parents aren't going to like this...but oh well, as everybody I've run this by has said- they may not agree with it initially, but they will get over it.

And so I sign off to go watch another episode of the Tudors or maybe even the lastest Gossip Girl. My guilty pleasures. Remind me to write about what it's like to live without TV...

Halloween

2008-11-01T01:11:00.003-05:00

So Hallowen has officially been over for two hours- the bars are making last call, and I have yet to experience any of it. I enjoyed my time with the Callahans today- we finished carving pumpkins and the kids were all dressed up excellently: Blythe was a movie star, Kiki was Wall.E, and Cam was Leo from the Little Einsteins. I was dressed in my Navan best as a cowgirl as per the Blythester's not so subtle request. A good time was had by all- and the Callahans didn't throw me out right away.

Scott and I were supposed to watch scary movies and hang out tonight but oh no- the army can't give me an inch. They confined him to base under the pretense of an inspection tomorrow morning. So I, once again, had to come home to an empty apartment and do nothing while most of the normal people in the world were out partying it up. Why do I feel like such a failure in the social realm? Maybe that's why I relate to Kiki so well- I know what it's like to be a social misfit.

Anyways- complaining aside it was an okay Halloween. Maybe next year when Scott and I are in Edmonton and we have our own place I'll convince him to buy a pumpkin and we can carve it together and maybe even go out a bit...or even resurrect our dead plans from this year.

*sigh*...what I wouldn't give to be able to live a normal life!

The Simple Life

2008-10-28T15:35:00.002-05:00

No, not the TV show keep your knickers on.

I don't know if it's what's been going on lately with Scott going to Edmonton and school being a drag, and just generally feeling exhausted all the time- but lately I can't help but think about those days when I was little and the most important thing in the world was be to on my bike before 9am, leaving my parents a note, crawling through the forest and getting disgustingly dirty just so I could come home and take a bath and watch a movie with my mom.

I know- I'm 20, get over it already right? But it's not being an adult that scares me- I've been doing that for a while and I know it can be the best fun...nope that's not it. It's forgetting that little girl with the big dreams and the adventure in her veins. Lately I feel like I'm not living life to it's ultimate- hell most of the time I'm sitting in my apartment totally alone and totally bored. I'm never going to be 20 again and how am I spending it? By myself, in a dark apartment.

And yet now I have this huge opportunity in front of me. I have the ability to go to Edmonton and be with Scott and take a risk- but I don't think I can do it. To do this huge thing I'd have to royally piss off my parents...and I'm not sure doing what I want to do on impulse is worth that rift I'd create. On the other hand I can't live my whole life trying to please them, right? So what do I do?

I feel like I need to do something, go somewhere, be somebody....but I can't cause I'm stuck here. Come April I'm going to do something alright- I just have to figure out what exactly that is.

FUCK I HATE THE ARMY!!!

2008-10-26T19:12:00.002-05:00

UGH!! Just when I think the army and I can live simultaneously they go and do something that makes me want to knock heads together and throw plates against the wall! They actually had me thinking that being an military girlfriend wasn't so bad...and then they go and do something like THIS:

So Friday night I'm doing my thing at the Callahans- bathing the boys, reading bedtime stories, etc. and once Kik's in been I go into the livingroom and Scott's there! He came to pick me up! So we talk with Gemma a bit and I get dressed and we go home, and he gets in the door and sits on the couch and says "I have good news and bad news".

Good news: he's quitting after his contract is up (that's two years away- so it's not really good news)

Bad news: HE'S BEEN POSTED TO FUCKING EDMONTON! That's right- after all the assurances, preference forms, and planning- he's being sent to goddamn Edmonton for the duration of his contract! Now, I'd have no problem with this if say- they sent him to Edmonton in two years- no problem whatsoever actually. I'd actually love to experience living out west. But not now! Now I still have to go to school and get my ECE- which will probably take two years because I'm not a psych major. I can't move out to Edmonton and go to school there because their ECE (or ECD as they call it in Alberta) is two years long and Scott's contract frees up in January 2011, and if I started school there in September 2009 I wouldn't be done till April 2011. So we'd end up staying there longer than had I just stayed put.

Then there's the option of me doing a distance ed ECE program out of St. Lawrence college and going to live/work in Edmonton with Scott. Problem with this is: A) I'm not sure I'm disciplined enough to do a distance ed course, B) I'd have to find a part time job in a stange city and C) we'd have to pay rent/ possibly my tuition. This doesn't seem like a big deal except that one of our goals was to buy a house sooner rather than later and if we're shelling out rent/tuition money we can't afford to put away as much towards a down payment.

Option three is that if I get into an accelerated program I can tough it out for a year, get through my ECE in one year- and THEN move out to Edmonton to be with him. The pros of this option are that I get my ECE close to home, there's lots of ECE jobs in Edmonton, Scott would have time to get the lay of the land/decide where he'd like us to live, and we'd have another year to save up for our house- and we've already scouted out a few new developments going up we might actually be able to afford. And then if we liked it there he wouldn't have to automatically quit. Downside to this is: I probably won't get into the accelerated program at the Gonq since they upped their requirements, so if I get into anything it'll probably be the accelerated one at Brockville- which won't make my parents happy.

I'm just so frustrated! Had he been sent to Petawawa everything would have worked out so perfectly- and then they could have sent us wherever the fuck they wanted! Now I'm barely going to see him once a month let alone every weekend like I've become accustomed to...and it just seems like everything's being put on hold for no good reason!

And what bugs me about all this is that there's no good reason he got sent there. He's not an administrative burden, he has nothing on his record, he has excellent grades, he doesn't fuck around, he's well behaved, etc. He has family in Ottawa, his nephew is going to be born soon, his girlfriend is here, his LIFE is here! And one MCpl said to him "well it's because we need the best in Edmonton and you're one of our best"- BULLSHIT! They're also sending idiots who've been reported and have failed tests, so that's not the reason at all! Why even try if they're just going to send you wherever the fuck they feel like anyways? He's going to see the career counsellor tomorrow to make his case and hopefully have it changed...but there's very little chance of it working, and yet I'm still holding out against hope that whoever's fat finger did this will change their minds.

And that brings me to another issue: There should be a status between "single" and "married/common law". Seriously. The fact that just because you're married your marital status isn't taken into consideration is absolutely awful. I'm tired of being treated like I don't exist by the military just because I have yet to have the ability to marry my soldier. Yes, some proof needs to be made- but honestly- this ruins EVERYTHING!

So off he goes tomorrow to tell them that if they insist on sending him to Edmonton he'll go but he's going to be a fuckoff and ask to be reposted for VR every day. Personally I wish I could see that- Scott does everything with so much integrity that to see him fuckoff would be quite the interesting experience. I just pity the dunderhead who has to deal with him when he does.

I May have a Shopping Addiction...

2008-10-23T12:26:00.003-05:00

So recently I've been inundated with school work and work work and have little personal time. And yeah, it sucks but it must be done- I'm exhausted but what can you do? Unfortunately, whenever I get like this my body/brain doesn't react like I think it should (ie: feel extremely sleepy, hungry, and intent on finishing this work so more fun can be had!), no no, I get this intense urge to shop.

Being a university student I try to keep my expenses down...but lately I can't seem to stop myself from wanting to shop. All I want to do is go and try on tons of clothes and buy buy buy. It doesn't help that my trusty old TNA bag (yes, the behemoth bag I carry everywhere!) committed suicide (I think I may have pushed it to hard!) and broke two of it's straps the other day and is currently being held together only by my ingenious emergency stitching. I took it to see if I could get it repaired but the repair cost was over half of what it cost me originally! So...I'm debating getting a new one, or getting a different new bag, or just trying to stick it out one more month with this one....

I'm shopping, but I'm not buying. I'm trying ever so hard to stop before paying for something and thinking "do I REALLY need this right now?"...the answer, unfortuantely, is usually no. So I'm going and shopping, but little if nothing ever comes home with me (hey, I'm two weeks away from getting a statement and my balance is lower than ever- I take it that means it's working!). I also blame this on a handy little application for my trusty Blackberry called Mobile Checkbook (pretty dull sounding I know)...but I've come to realise I'll take any excuse to whip Barry (yes, he has a name, he's Barry the Berry!) out and use it...so with the help of this little app I'm more aware of my bank/credit balance than ever- you can't really escape it if it's staring you in the face in bright orange type. Once again I ponder- what did I ever do without Barry?!

This, of course, will all go down the drain when Melissa comes for our girl's weekend in November! Maybe that's when I'll buy a new bag...we plan on shopping till we drop!

Reading my Life

2008-10-21T15:55:00.003-05:00

Wow...I've just been reading emails pulled from the depths of my Gmail archives sent by my highschool self. I was confused, I was dramatic, I was pulled in 18 different directions- and by god was I strong. So were some of my friends- namely my friend Claire who I love so much. The CRAP we went through- I won't go into specifics, but no wonder everybody hates highschool so much. I must say though- it'd be nice to feel connected to my friends again like that. It's very odd to read your life...

Maybe next I'll go back to my old MSN Space account and re-read some of my highschool blogs. Now there's a REAL archive!

Election Apathy and Ballot Spoiling.

2008-10-14T21:06:00.002-05:00

So I'm sitting here in my apartment all my byself watching the CBC election coverage. Now I know our elections aren't exactly as exciting as say...oh...the Americans. There is no clear choice- do you let the Conservatives try one more time or do you go Liberal and get the possibility of a carbon tax and military cuts? Or you can vote for Creepy Jack or Happy Mae. No thanky. But that doesn't mean you don't vote. Damnit- you're Canadian, and by the very fact that you are Canadian you can haul your fat ass to a poling station and take 10 minutes and go vote! Even if you have no idea who to vote for go out and enie meanie miny moe it. But honeslty, you should have at least looked at one of those online "voting for dumbies" sheets and educated yourself at least enough to narrow it down to two possibles for yourself. There's no excuse not to vote.

Now, what really pisses me off are people who publicly declare "I spoiled my ballot!"...congrats. Why bother? If you're protesting the lack of likeable candidates, you haven't gotten your point accross, you've just slightly amused the ballot counters. Why did you vote in the first place? Instead of taking your funamental right to vote and attempting to make a change for the better- you've just put yourself on the same level as a felon and thrown your vote out the window. People are going to be elected no matter what- because you wrote "fuck you" accross your ballot doesn't mean they're going to go "oh my, you're right! We don't have any good candidates! Stop the presses we'll start all over again!" No- they're going to roll their eyes and throw it in the bin. If you're protesting just about anything else you've done no better.

So so far the Liberals have won my riding (St. Paul's), and the Conservatives have won Glengarry-Prescott-Russel (Navan's riding) aswell at Ottawa-Orleans (closest one to Navan).

Right now it looks like the Conservatives will have a pretty strong minority government. Am I happy? No. Am I angry? No. I'm apathetic. But at least I got my ass to the poling station and put my X on the ballot.

So Much going On!

2008-07-17T21:42:00.002-05:00

So there's been a lot going on lately- to make it short:

1) my dad quit his job
2) therefore I have to move
3) I have found my new place and Yonge and Eglinton, love it, and will be moving in on August 1st.
4)therefore I am now paying for my own TV, Internet, and Phone and instead of paying for a cellphone AND homephone I decided to get a Blackberry and am now addicted to it: more on that later
5)It was Scott's and my two year anniversary!!
6)I have to meet my Poppa's girlfriend who is in my uninformed (since I've never met her) a whore...and I'm not looking forward to it.

If you want more details on any one thing please tell me.

But for now:
Soon I'll be putting up my ideas/pictures for decorating a small apartment. I've become an expert in the last few months and I think once it's all together it'll look awesome.

AND THE BLACKBERRY!
I'm addicted to it, I can't help it. I get my emails, my texts, facebook, the weather, my agenda, MSN, gps maps, my tetris, sudoku and all sorts of things! How did I ever live without it? I've been downloading apps like crazy...I've never had a phone before that there was so many things made specifically for it. I love I love! And everybody knows that my phone is my baby...without it I die- partially because it's a sub for Scott when he's not around. So do I feel bad for spending 500$ on a phone? NO!

So much going on!!

2008-07-17T21:20:00.000-05:00

OMG I MET GEORGE STROMBOLOPOLIS

2008-05-06T22:08:00.002-05:00

K so Claire and Jenn were here today so we went out to the pub for dinner and had an awsome time...so we're not going to go into a big long story about us eating...but after Jenn left I was looking out the window and I SWEAR I saw George Strombolopolis. So I pointed it out to Claire and the two of us are gawking at him and he turns around and we wave at him and he waves back and the two of us are giddy...then he comes in, Claire goes up to him and talks to him and I sit there freaking out, and he comes over to shake our hands! WHAT?! This was SO WIERD...I never go out and the one time I do I meet somebody who I see on TV all the time...ahhh! So yes, that was a major event that I had to document.

So much to say, so little time to say it

2008-05-03T21:03:00.002-05:00

Hey all!

SO I've been up to a lot lately: school is done (at least for now), and I'll be starting a summer course on Monday. A bird course on acting, but I'm looking forward to it. I've been working near full-time lately, 2 days a week for the Callahans and 3 days a week for the Thompsons/DeJeans. I'm having a blast- what could be better than getting paid to play with children I ask? NOTHING! So the summer is off to a good start (although I admit I'm only a month into it!). I recently launched my new website CanadianMilitaryGirlfriends.ca- a support group/community resource for women and men with spouses in the Canadian Forces. The reception was mixed, but in the end I'm getting quite a few hits and the forums are fairly active so I've got high hopes for it! And, on Friday I'm turning 20! I can't believe it, I'm going to be in my 20s in less than a week! But I'm so excited, and I can't wait to celebrate with all my friends (or most of them at least). We're having dinner with my parents, and then I'm meeting everyone at the Avant-Garde around 11pm for pre-drinks and catching up before heading to the club. It should be awesome and I can't wait to see everyone that I haven't seen in over a year!

With my impending adult-hood upon me it's recently hit me that I've been out of highschool for TWO years, and how much I've changed in that time. It's really awkward- to feel separate from something you once were so very involved in, but I wouldn't go back to it for a million dollars. My future is so different than I once thought it would be- and it's all at once exciting and terrifying...but I won't bore you all with THAT.

So yeah- I'm looking forward to a month of shuttling myself between Ottawa and Toronto. With my birthday, the 2/4, and a vacation with the Callahans, I'll be there for every weekend (except obviously this one). If I run into any of you in the streets of downtown with 3 small children in tow you'll know why! After that I've got my anniversary retreat with Scott to look forward to at the Chateau Montebello. My grandparents took their honeymoon there some 50 odd years ago so I'm really excited to stay there and spend a weekend with my man! Two years July 11, can you believe it?! Claire (Hogan) may be spending some time living with me this summer- which would be awesome. I've never had a real roommate (my father hardly counts) and it'd be awesome to spend some time with her and actually maybe start a social life! Then I'll be embarking on my LAST YEAR at York University. If I can do this my dears I can do anything. Finishing this degree will be a huge weight off my shoulders and I'll be able to pursue my true passion- children, by going for my ECE at Algonquin College once I finish it in April 2009. SO EXCITED!! It looks like I have a busy year ahead of me, and it's a welcome change from the trauma of 2007.

Hmm...so that's all I've got to say for right now. Nothing particularily revolutionary but I felt I must write it down. OH! I'm re-reading the Outlander series that I enjoy so much. I found the first two books in the Pleasent Bookstore when I went with Tyler a few weeks ago and have decided to hunt down the rest second hand and keep them forever. Anybody who hasn't read these books should- they're awesome.

So yeah, everybody enjoy yourself and have a great summer!

Nanny is NOT a synonym for SLAVE

2008-02-25T00:16:00.003-05:00

As most of you probably know- I've been working as a babysitter/nanny here in Toronto since about last July. I love my job, I love everything about it! I love working with kids, not dealing with customers, not having to fight with people to get days off, not doing a ton of work for a lot of pay- everything. Except the stupid parents.

Now hold on- the Callahans are not stupid. Infact I think they're the most reasonable parents I've ever met. I love them to death and I love their kids to death and that's why I've been fighting to find a way to stay with them for the summer. I'd so hate myself if I gave them up and then got some other job that I was misserable at when I could have been having a blast with them.

It's my search for the perfect other family that's been driving me INSANE. Parents who are trying to find a nanny take note: NANNY IS NOT A SYNONYM FOR SLAVE. Take this into consideration: the average housekeeper- weither with an agency or not- gets paid 65$ an hour. And they're just dealing with keeping the inanimate objects around your house spic and span. So why is it when you're looking for someone to care for your little darling 3 days a week- and you require everything under the sun, including First Aid and CPR, a police check, and experience like you've never seen before- you only want to cough up 10$/hr?! I am not being unreasonable by asking for 12- let alone 15, but here I am being realistic at 12 and you're humming and hawing over weither or not you think I'm worth the extra 2$/hr?! FUCK OFF- I don't want to work for you! Especially because for this rate- you want not only a full-service Nanny, you want a full-serive housekeeper too! NOT GONNA HAPPEN! You're not only to lazy to raise your own child, you're equally disinclined to do his laundry, clean up after your meals, and scrub the toilet. Well I'm sorry, but the doormat you're looking to employ is not me. I just don't roll that way! You are all the most unbelieveable bunch of morons! If you want to have a child, but don't want to raise it- you'd better have the green to pay your Nanny a proper rate.

That being said I think I have found the perfect family to fill in the times I can't be with the Callahans. Sara Thompson and her 8 month old little boy. She seems totally reasonable for a first time mom and I love parents who arn't off their rockers. Between the two of them I will be working full-time for the whole summer- especially if I can pick up a weekend babysitting job here and there.

And back we go to unreasonable parents. AGAIN parents take note: your child is not an angel. They are monsters. They scream and cry and throw fits when they don't get what they want. They tumble and fall- and no amount of watching them closely will stop that. They do evil things like flush Q-tips down the toilet and climb the shelves in the pantry- again, no amount of watching them closely can stop this. Especially if I'm also looking after your other kids/cleaning your house while I'm at it! So no, it's not my fault that Jr. fell and scraped his knee at the playground today- HE JUST FELL. I will not apologise, I will not beg forgiveness-cause it's not my fault! That's just the nature of kids! They get hurt, it's how they learn! If you'd been watching them they'd be no different! So yes he hurt himself and no it won't scar him for life or give him HIV- it just taught him that when I tell him not to run- there's a damn good reason for it! Also, the stories your child tells you after I'm gone are not necessarily true. I did not beat him or put him in his room all day with no food or water- he's just saying that cause he's pissed I found him snooping through my purse/ eating something he's not allowed to have/ mouthing off/being a snot in general and PUNISHED him for it. Yes, you're right- I did send him to his room or put him in a corner for 20 mins, or took away his TV/computer priviledges for the day. I'm teaching him that his actions have consequences- something he will never learn from you because you pay your way out of everything you do!

Also- what's with you wanting to only pay me for the minutes you're not around? I get it- you come and go- and no you don't really need me during lunch time but it's not like I can run out and get a seperate part-time job for the two hours you don't feel you should have to pay me cause you're there too. Here's the deal: If you want me from 9:30-noon, and 2-6, you have to pay me for the 2 hours in between there. I don't care if you consider that my "break"-it ought to be paid for! I am at your service- the fact that you boot me out of your house because you assume I have "errands" to do is not my fault! What errands may I ask? I can't go grocery shopping cause I have to be back at your place in two hours, I can't go home cause the TTC takes an hour to get anywhere so the second I get home I'd have to turn around and come back- and I can't take them to your place cause lord knows you'd faint if you saw all the junk I actually eat! GARG!

So that's my rant. Parents, please take into consideration how you would want to be treated if you were in our line of work. We didn't go into this because we have some ingrained need to serve you as though you're the queen of the castle, we did it cause we love children and feel that somebody ought to care for the little lives you neglect. So do some soul-searching before you hire a Nanny or babysitter- and if you plan on treating her like shit, at least pay properlly for the priviledge.

PISSED OFF!

2008-02-07T11:47:00.001-05:00

Okay, I've been doing this more lately...partially cause I'm hormonal right now and partially cause nobody seems to be listening to me in real life!

So today the summer course schedual for my school finally goes up. YAY! I've been looking to take a summer course this year cause I'm tired of having to take 5 courses every semester...it's a lot of work, especially when you're trying to fit in actually working to make money as well. Which is why I'm behind a half-year credit cause I dropped an online course last semester. Whoops, oh well- I figure if I take a full-credit summer course I'll have the he-haw to make up a half credit course next spring. At least it makes sense to me.

So back to the summer courses schedual- it's got quite a nice variety of classes and I'm excited that I've compiled a list of at least 6 courses I really wouldn't mind taking. My biggest surprise though was that the FACS department (my department) is offering a one-month course during June to ROME to study the art and culture! How cool is that? I really wanted to go on an exchange next year but I can't for several reasons, and this seems like a course I'd really enjoy, so I can get the exchange-esque experience without having to leave home turf for a whole year!

So I've emailed the department about costs/information sessions/ etc. But I was excited at the prospect of going to Rome for a month and txted Scott to tell him...only I phrased it as a "would you mind me going to Rome for amonth with school this summer?"...a question I didn't really want an honest answer to! But no, he texts me back saying he doesn't really like the idea because he thinks I'd leave him for an italian dude. Now lets get some perspective on this- Scott, although my beloved, has made some questionable decisions in the past year and a half- namely JOINING THE DAMN ARMY! Now I wasn't 100% in favour of the idea of him taking off for several months, not seeing him for long stretches of time, or even hearing from him for long stretches of time, but I knew he wanted to do it and therefore supported him as best I could/can. I put my trust in him, let him go off and do his thing, AM STILL letting him go off and do his thing, all the while pretending that the fact that I don't have my boyfriend all the time is perfectly okay with me- as long as he's happy. And for the most part it is.

But I kind of expect the same trust and support in return. He didn't support my effort to go work at a camp in the US for the summer, he didn't support my efforts to work at ANY camp this summer, he wanted me home. Okay fine. So now I'm going to work at home. And probably move in with him in September when I move back to Ottawa (if all goes well). I'm not sure if he knows or not but if it were not for him I'd probably be going on an exhange next year- but I'm not cause I love him and don't want to be away from him for a full year.

So this seems like a nice compromise. I work at home for April and May, go to Italy for June, come back and work for July and August. I get my adventure, I get my credits, and he gets me home for the majority of the summer. Questioning my loyalty to him is just a low blow- if I were going to leave him, believe me, I'd have gotten on with it by now! The amount of SHIT I go through for this guy is almost unbelieveable to a civi woman. And yet I'm as faithful as ever, I love him more than ever, and the idea that I would leave him for some Romanian dude who doesn't even speak the same language as I do is quite frankly insulting. Totally insulting. Do I not deserve some sort of credit for the trust and support I've given him over the last year and a half?

Then there's my Dad. WELL- it was HIS big idea that I go on an exchange, which I don't want to do- A) cause it'd cost way to much and B) cause I don't wanna be away for that long. So why when I email him about this potential opportunity does he scoff and say "well depends on how much it costs". Yeah okay, you're willing to pay for me to go to Europe/Australia for a whole year but if I wanna go for a month it's a maybe on the basis of cost. PUH-LEASE!

Is there a full moon tonight? Are men just inherintly STUPID today? They're making NO SENSE. None whatsoever. And my Dad and I were getting along so well last night! We went to see Dirty Dancing at the Royal Alex cause he got tickets from his boss, and despite the obvious sexual scenes in the play there was minimal awkwardness...he even bought me an icecream cone! (My father doesn't spend money on frivolities like icecream very often if ever.) It was an AMAZING show...they did a really great job of putting the movie into a play format, no major details were left out, and basically we had a really good father/daughter time! So why the brash brush-off today?!

So that is why I'm pissed off. I think it's a totally valid point of view. So there. I'm tired of all this double standards stuff with Scott and I and I'm tired of all this "I'm willing to pay for this but not for this, even if the second is less than the first...har har" with my father. Now I'm going to go make some lunch, finish my homework, email it in, and go water the Callahans plants. I bet the CALLAHANS will have no problem letting me leave for a month to go to Italy!

STOP MAKING STUPID SEQUELS!

2008-02-06T16:17:00.000-05:00

The movie industry has gone to far. First, as soon as Disney got into the hands of a new owner, they started to pump out all these sequels to the "classics". I get it, you've run out of ideas. Making Cinderella 2 and 3 (both of which blow btw) does not cover that fact up- infact it makes it more prominent, you've simply flat-out run out of ideas. THAT was bad, really bad, especially since Walt Disney specifically said in several interviews before he croaked that he never wanted to make a sequel, and now all these pathetic movies are being attached to his good name- BAD.

But then because the all-powerful Disney Corp. is making sequels it seems to me that all movie companies have used it as license to produce an endless line of STUPID sequels to movies that were so-so to begin with! My ire really lies in this new movie: Step Up 2 The Streets...please! I LOVED Step Up, it was an awsome movie, good plot, hot guy, etc. etc. But there was nowhere else for the story to go, or even if there were it would involve the fact that the hot guy was now going to be studying at the school and therefore should involve whatever shit he gets himself into there. But no, instead the only thing the decide to keep was the setting...everything in it has changed. This makes me want to scream...they ruin a perfectly good movie by making these dumbass sequels! Same goes for the cartoons, or anything else that you're thinking about "sequeling"...NOTE: if you can't get the same actors, set, etc. JUST BACK AWAY! NO MORE of this stupid stuff...if you have a great idea for a sequel but it has nothing to do with the original, then change the setting, rename it, and MAKE A SEPERATE MOVIE! Don't disguise the fact that you have a million flimsy plots with uninteresting characters by making it a sequel to a successful movie. It's just a bad idea.

On a different note, my dad got tickets to see Dirty Dancing on stage tonight!!! I just got the 20th anniversary edition of the DVD yesterday and today I get to go see it on stage!! Yeee! K better go do my homework before I head out!

Later

Random MSN Adds...how do they happen?!

2008-01-09T10:40:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been sitting at your computer, minding your own business, and then a window pops up to inform you that somebody new has added you to their MSN list? Of course you have. Now, once you've gotten your list in a respectable shape- how many of these windows are people you ACTUALLY KNOW?

I've had my MSN account since about grade 7. MSN was a shell of what it is today, but at the time we were so amazed at the ability to instantly message people over the internet that it really didn't matter. I'm sure if the internet were brand-new now it'd be much the same (holly hell I'm really aging myself here).

But ever since day one, I've had adds from people I don't know, and have no idea how they got my email address. Now granted, back in those days I actually USED my hotmail address as my primary email, it made an appearance on pretty much every form I filled in on the internet for ever account known to man. I'd get adds from people in Autralia, Brazil, Korea, remote areas of Africa, everywhere! When I was younger it seemed like fun, to talk to all these people from all over the world. I knew I didn't know them personally and I exercised caution with personal details, but it wasn't a great source of alarm (again, because my MSN address was pretty much public).

But now it's just creepy. I've long-since reduced my hotmail account to MSN-only usage. I get an email that's been directed there on average once every two months, and even then it's set up to forward those random messages to my Gmail. I've often considered migrating my entire MSN account over to my Gmail address, but what with automatic sign-in, it seems a mite pointless for very little gain. I no longer use it for sign-ups, mailing lists, or job applications. It's listed on my Facebook profile- although it's privacy-protected for friends only. (And I am not one of those people who adds every Tom, Dick, and Harry that asks for the privilege). So HOW may I ask do these creepers get my MSN address?

And worse yet, why do people have the time to sit there searching out MSN account addresses, only to be rude/sexist/pervy to the people they add? Because I'm the admin to a very large support group I tend to allow anyone who adds me...initially. But if you don't immediately pop up saying "Hi I'm so-and-so from your MG group" then I start to get suspicious! And telling me your sister left her MSN open and you're just checking in does not make it okay, nor does popping up asking me for my a/s/l! I've also had instances where the person on the other end is just as confused as I am. When asked who they are they would like to know the same thing, when asked how they got my address they say that I added them, not vise-versa. So what, are they just playing dumb or has MSN just dropped the ball? Or maybe there's somebody at MSN whose secretly a match-maker hoping her roque addage will bring two people who otherwise never would have met together? Whatever the reason, it's not cool!

So forgive me if I'm not all warm- and- fuzzy to you if you add me and refuse to tell me who you are or how you got my address. I'm not on the market to get cyber-raped.

Sick sick sickity sick

2007-09-30T23:05:00.000-05:00

YUCK! So apparently there's this stomach bug going 'round the Tdot (or rather Tblob) and I have been hit with it no less than THREE times! I thought it was just something I ate, but the doc has strong suspicions that I've had this bug twice in the last week, and fought it off both times- only to get hit one last time by a whammy that's had me wallowing in a 105 degree fever for the last two days. Fun. Actually no it's not fun. I've been sitting here watching videos, doing jack shit, and staring at my pole with a longing I cannot describe.

Speaking of my pole (I'll get back to my utter missery later)...I have some vids, albeit incredibly embarassing ones, but no real pics. I do have this one though... just so y'all can stop thinking I'm bluffing. It's there and it has been since last two Tuesdays ago! Today was the first time I've had to tighten it since then (although I probably should have done it earlier). As I said in my previous entry my grip ain't what I'd like it to be, but I've discovered part of that is the fact that I haven't been able to properlly clean it since I had a little...accident...with my foot and my spray bottle containing rubbing alcohol and water. I apparently didn't put it close enough to the wall and it sorta went flying and broke...so yeah. But I finally found a new spray bottle to transfer the remenants of my concoction into AND I found an all-natural cleaning product to give it a good scrub down which is working WONDERS! I love it not only cause it's not putting anything toxic on my hands as I swing like a monkey from this fabulous chrome pole, but also because it's doing such an awsome job of getting the grime off that my moves have significantly improved! (and let me remind you that I'm running a fever...so just imagine what I'll be up to once that's no longer the case!). I also think my investment in a microfiber cloth did a lot of good too. So yeah that's me on my pole...I'm SO happy with it! Maybe if you beg I'll put some pics of me actually on it up here ;)

K now back to how miserable I am because I can't get on it and I'm all feverish and such. I felt like SHIT on Sunday cause all I ate all day was pumpkin pie and chocolate chip cookies. So today I had some of mom's vegetable soup and fish and chips for dinner (granted not the healthiest but at least it's REAL food!). I just can't wait to get over this so I can go home for Thanksgiving. I miss home so much. I didn't think not having Scott here would make as huge as a difference as it did. Yuck.

So tomorrow since we have a stupid field trip again for our NATS class (especially since the last one was such a waste of time and money!) I am giving myself an extra day to overcome my yuckyness and clean the apartment/get an assignment done/ do some reading. Which means I ought to get to bed at some point...so off I go! I miss you all so much. December can't come fast enough!

Life goes on...

2007-09-22T21:39:00.000-05:00

So an update for all those who read this but I don't talk to regularly.

The last month has been an up and down kinda ride. I finally finished my Saxon job- just in time for classes to start. I had the first week of classes off (yay for lazy profs!) so I headed home on the 31st after work.

On Saturday, September 1st 2007, my beloved Gammy (Patricia Sally Buzby Taylor) passed away peacefully in her own bed in her own home. I don't really know what there is to say other than she will be dearly missed. I carry her around with me always (a lot of the time litterally- I inherited a lot of her clothes, including an insanely huge collection of brand-new socks!). She was creamated, and her memorial service on the 15th was beautiful and sad. She's burried in Hillcrest Cemetary in Burnstown Ontario.

So after that schock and extreme sadness, there was some good stuff. My week off was nice and tranquil. I got 2 whole days to myself at home with nothing to do but sit and watch tv, swim, and tan. I had beautiful weather!

Classes are going well. I'm not exactly sure about some of them, but for the most part they seem good. One has an insane amount of reading that I am not looking forward to.

And I got my pole last Wednesday! It's up in my bedroom, and once I figure out how to transfer videos from my cellphone to my computer I'll put up some pictures and maybe a vid. We'll see. It's a lot slippier than I expected and the grip (width) of it is more than I'm used to...but it's the standard in clubs and comps, so I'm determined to get used to it! Right now I'm working on getting my Diamond (or Carousel) in shape on it, and my Chair. I'm also trying to get the hang on my Closed-Front Hook, Pole Sit, and even attempting an Open-Front Hook to Back Hook transitional. Now if only my grip would improve!

So right now I'm sitting in the Callahan's basement just chillin. I've been babysitting for the kids since 6:30- they're all asleep soundly, not a word of complaint from any of them! Kiki didn't even get out of bed so I'm pleased about that!

So yeah- that's what's been going on. I suppose I should have brought my reading materials for next week to look over, but pfft...why would I dothat? lol.

OUCH!

2007-08-20T22:12:00.000-05:00

So the last few weeks have gone well...I've been paid by 3 dif. jobs all at once for $$ they owed me (yes!), I've gone home-come back to TO- and then gone home again, and my BIG news...I bought my pole!

K so here goes: everything's been pretty good. Gammy's not doing so hot and I've been trying to go back as often as possible to see her. It's really tough to see her though cause every time I have to leave it feels like I'm saying goodbye for the last time...and I very well may be. It's just to much to deal with, I don't want to have to say goodbye. It just doesn't seem fair, y'know?

The fair was awsome- well the Fair itself sucked. I got a beavertail and that's about all I got at the fair, but the concerts were AWSOME! Loverboy was great, booze was a plenty (yay for Mr. Lawlor giving me free tickets!) and it was so great to catch up with old friends (even if I was plastered to the wall). Ambush was great too- it was so good to see them play again! It got rained out at the end but Oh Well! I got a romantic walk in the rain with my man ;)...at least it was romantic until we both got soaked to the SKIN! Good thing my parents wern't home cause the second I walked in the door I was OUT of those wet clothes...which Scott didn't seem to mind...

So now my BIG news! Since Scott the love of my life is being taken away to the Gonq for the school year because the army is stupid and can't train him (wow look at my grammar skillz...), I will be alone yet again. And although I've grown quite used to being all alone with myself (infact I crave it sometimes)- I hate being lonely and bored stiff. SO as my present to myself for being so good this summer and for actually biting the bullet and going back to school like the well-behaved chickadee that I am...I have purchased an X Pole. For those of you who haven't any idea wtf an X-Pole is...it's a portable dance pole (or stripper pole if you want). Basically it's a tension-mounted dance pole that comes apart into peices so you can take it wherever your little heart desires. This means if you have a ceiling with joists in it and it's between 7 and 9 feet high (because why would I buy an extension just for your house?) I can set up my fancy pole in your living room and go for a spin...or teach you to. I however am one lucky duck cause my ceiling is made of concrete, so I don't have to search for joists, I can just pop it up wherever I please. I chose this as my present to myself because A) it's totally frivolous B) it's helluva expensive and I can't justify it otherwise C) it will keep me in shape- since I doubt I'll have the money to commit to classes during school, and I'll be a level 3 at Aradia by the end of Sept. I'll be able to practise whenever I want. D) Online demos are very cheap, so during my hiatus from classes if I feel like learning a new move, all Ihave to do is pay 10$ for a months access to the database and poof! Lana's learning new moves to keep her entertained. It's a frivolous purchase that's good for me and that I'm giddy about- when does that ever happen?! And if you're really nice to me I might even let you use it :P

So that's about it. I'm really upset that Scott's going back to the Otown for school but what can you do? We'll figure out some sort of he comes here/I go there routine to work ourselves into...so expect to see me in Ottawa fairly often. (That's another thing, this thing comes with a carrying bag so I can bring it with me when I go home- and therefore can practise no matter where I am!)

K well I'm off to bed- a whole day of gruling office work ahead of me...whatever shall I wear?!

I have awful spelling skills...

2007-07-31T14:18:00.000-05:00

I just read my post from last night and I have horrible spelling skills if I may say so. I blame it on my recent transition from a laptop keyboard to a regular one...the keys are spaced differently!

K so I'm at work, being bored stiff. Like litterally stiff. I haven't really accomplished anything today other than purchasing my metropass and downing a whole baconator combo from Wendys along with a raspberry frozen yogurt. IN MY DEFFENSE: Aunt Flow called for her monthly visit this morning and I feel like I've been mowed over by a mack truck. Grease and icecream help in a situation like that. On the upside I've got my pole class tonight (last class of level one!) so maybe the physical activity and sexiness will make me feel better. And I ALWAYS feel better after pole class, even if I feel like shit getting there. I can't believe level 1 is done though-it went by so fast! I'm really looking forward to level 2 though, I'm gonna get to learn a whole bunch more spins!

And my new computer is *mostly* up and runing. I need to install Photoshop and some antispyware and adware programs, but my essentials are there. And best of all my cellphone now hooks up to my computer! SO that means pictures for everyone! I've become a real shutterbug lately...I might even assemble some of the pics from the summer into an album or something, we'll see. The summer's coming to an end so fast I can barely stand it!

Speaking of summer ending: I think I finally got my schedual figured out for next year. Not exactly what I'd hoped for, but close to it. I'm taking a Natural science course called Communication, Health and Environment (it's cross-listed as a Sosc course so I'm hoping for the best, and it's a degree requirement); two FACS courses: one called Film, Photography, and Popular Culture and the other called Interactive New Media Art: and Introduction (both have the potential to either be amazing or horrible depending on the prof- so we'll see ); THREE, count em THREE design courses: Critical Issues in Design, Intro to Design, and Design and Image (two are design major requirements, the other is for non-majors, but I figure no matter what I take I really just want to get back into design!); a Visual Arts course called Drawing: Aproaches to Abstract Image Making (has the potential to be disastrous or awsome); and then the hum-dinger (because I couldn't find anything else that will fit in my schedual): A philosophy class called Intro to Logic. If M. Renaud were around he'd applaud.

I realise what a run-on sentence that was...

So yeah sitting at work, researching dancing poles, trying to fix my schedual, and anticipating my class tonight. And contemplating my financial situation...I hope I'll have enough money to move out next year!

My new obsession

2007-07-30T19:56:00.000-05:00

It's me again! I dunno if anybody actually reads this but I like to feel like they do, lol. SO! I have a new obsession, and for once it's not food-based or internet-based. It's...POLE DANCING! Now before you go running for your 10$ bills and sending me emails telling me that if my financial situation was that dire I could have borrowed a few hundred bucks LET ME EXPLAIN!

So...now that I'm in the city, I very rarely walk very far. Sure I walk from the apartment to the subway, the subway to work, and I run around after Blythie, Kik and Cam two days a week- but all in all I am one LAZY girl! Those MSN convos I have with you at 4 am where I say I'd really go to bed but it's about 10 inches away and it's to much effort- I'm sad to say I wasn't joking, lol. So keeping this in mind, and my notoriously horrible eating habits (which many of you can attest to) I felt I was getting a bit poochy around the middle...and the bum...and the thighs...anyways! Now another problem you may be aware that I've been struggling with is my looming anonymity in this city: aka I have no friends. But while laying on my back about a month ago while staring up at the ceiling feeling miserable and drowning my sorrows in a 4th icecream sandwich I had what I will call in a gross overstatment and epiphany. What did I realise? That sometimes anonymity can have it advantages. I know it's taken me way to long to realise this but now that I have I'm slightly giddy with it. If nobody knows who you are they can't gossip about you making out under the bushes infront of the apartment complex; if nobody knows who you are they can't scold you for going out for breakfast at 3 am; and if nobody knows you they can't tell if you're acting out of character. Therefore I decided to try acting out of character. In this vein I have recently found a wonderful all-night diner that makes amazing pancakes (yeah I know I was just complaing about my pooch but it's not like I do it every night!). I also decided to do something about my waning self-confidence and I figured one of my main issues is how I look, so I started surfing around in search of an all-female fitness class I'd enjoy. (I have an issue with working out infront of men for some reason, except Scott...)

This lead to a googling of the comination "women's fitness class Toronto dance"...I used to jazz dance when I was little and I still enjoy shaking my tush to tunes so I figured maybe a dance class would motivate me. This resulted in several articles on the pole dancing craze and a few links to pole dancing studios in the GTA. After reading a few articles and testimonials and stuff I was intruigued. And I couldn't think of anything more out of character for me. If I were at home there's no way I'd take a class like that; and I'm supposed to be the conservative, church-going girl with a steady bf. So I signed up and hoped for the best- now I'm HOOKED!

Omg it's so much fun! It's like a combo of yoga, pilates, and dancing. I thought I'd be shy at first, but all the other women feel the same way as you! And it's tough- not "I hate this it's to hard!" tough, just hard enough that you know you're getting some benefit out of it while having an awsome time! The first class I didn't really feel anything while I was there, but the next morning EVERYTHING hurt! And every week everything hurts...although not as intensly as that first time, which might be due to my new post-pole ritual of taking a really hot bath. But it's so much fun, and I look forward to it every week. I've even started researching about buying my own pole so I can practise at home. It's also motivated me to sign up for some other fitness classes! This month I'm doing some drop-in classes while I work at Saxon so that I get two workouts a week, and hopefully start to build up a little extra strength so that when I finally get to inversions I won't be completely struggling (and in complete and utter pain!). All in all it's done exactly what I set out for it to do: get me off my ass, boost my self-confidence, motivate me, and be out of character for once! Unfortunately it's not dangerous for me to ride the yellow subway cars, lol...

So that's my update! With any luck I'll have a pole in my place by next summer- so don't be surprised if you come to visit and I have a massive chrome pole in my livingroom!

GASP!

2007-06-25T13:19:00.000-05:00

Y'know, I'm one of those people who are extreme. (Stop laughing your head off and give me a chance to explain wtf I mean.) My life is in extremes: when things are going well for me they go really really well...when they go horribly for me they go really really awful. Middle ground is not something I am accustomed to. Just an observation.

SO- I went to meet the Callahan family and they're great! The mom, Gemma, is really a great mom and a very cool person to work for. She's not one of those moms who has any illusions that her children are angels or that they're perfect- infact she's the exact opposite, she always assumes her kids have done something very very wrong, lol.

The 6 year old, Blythe, reminds me of myself as a kid. She's always showing off and acting out and wanting to be the centre of attention...and she's crazy about crafts. Like NUTS about crafts....I'm all the sudden up to my ears in glitter glue and string and buttons and markers and all the other stuff kids make things with! Today I made some bubble solution to take with me tomorrow, cause they FINALLY got their backyard fenced off...so I can make bubble wands with Blythe and then take them outside and blow bubbles and chase them with them! FUN STUFF!

The 4 year old, Kieran, is a typical 4 year old except that he's not very talkative. He's on the Autistic spectrum, but he's not anti-social or any of the things I was expecting...he's very social! He just has difficulty expressing his emotions and his desires. I haven't spent allot of time with him yet cause Gemma tends to keep him with her...I guess he's a bit of a devil when it comes to clogging toilets and stuff...lol.

And finally the 2 year old Cameron is a sweetheart. He's a born gymnist! (sp?) He's running around, throwing himself off furniture, climbing on everything in sight, etc. He's also on the Austistic spectrum but again he's really not anti-social. He's having problems speaking and making words come out that make sense...which makes it hard to understand wtf it is he wants sometimes...but for the most part he's a great little fella.

So that's my new job! I went to the park for the first time in YEARS and actually played! The great thing about working with kids is that you get to have fun with them...and that's exactly what I've been looking for.

On a side note: Scott and I might be coming home for Canada Day! YAY! If Gemma lets me (and I'm sure she will she's a saint!) then Scott and I are leaving Friday night and coming home on Monday. A WHOLE weekend in Ottawa! Spending Canada Day in the Tdot just felt...wrong. On so many levels. So I'm excited to go home and see my friends and party it up capital style!

And that's my life at present. I'm going to go keep ironing now...and maybe go shopping for a bit! YAY for days off!

Changes!!

2007-06-18T07:54:00.000-05:00

Yipee kaiyo kaiye! Change is in the air and I'm one happy camper! I don't know what my last entry was about but here's my update of things that seem important to me:

1. My boss who shall remain unnamed for the time being is a crazy. Actually they're both crazy. One second they're all pissed off at you and the next they're your best friends- they're verging on bipolar. And you never know what's going to set them off, cause some things they totally overlook one day and then the next they bite your head off for it or any other little seemingly inconsequential thing! Which leads me to...

2. I am getting a fourth and final job. Yeah I know I never saw myself as the multiple-jobs kinda girl but when you're living in a city where you know litterally nobody...it kinda sucks to have days off where you're just kinda sitting there ticking off the things your could be doing if you had companionship in your head. Oh and I'm making almost no money at my current job. SO! I'm reducing my hours at job#1 and taking on a family of 3 children whose mom needs a hand. Yup- I'ma gonna be a part-time Nanny! There's a 6 year old girl, a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old boy. The mom doesn't really need a babysitter- she more needs somebody to occupy the kids while she does house work, goes grocery shopping, etc. The pay is AMAZING and she's totally 100% willing to work around my school schedual in the fall (yeee!!!). The things with my current job is that it opens at 10 and closes at 6...and since my schedual is shaping up to be mostly classes SMACK in the middle of the day that leaves me with like...no ability to work! So this would be amazing for me...I'm going to meet them on Wednesday!

3.K now for my rant. I don't care how little I know you- unless I'm in the middle of sex if you call me and say that your car won't start- I would come and get you provided I have a car. I mean I might ask what's wrong with the car or something like that, but I wouldn't give you a hard time about needing a ride. So why is it that when Scott's car won't start at 9:30 last night would NOBODY come to give him a jump? It wasn't that late at night! And a jump isn't exactly a time-consuming process: you hook up the cables, you both get behind the wheel, you turn on your cars and BAM! They both start. Then you can go your way and he can go his. Especially since he's in the army and needed to get on base ASAP...and most of the ppl we called knew this and just kept making excuses! GARGH! Scott's right- I need a car. That way when ppl I know need a ride I can give it to them. Stupid fucking people...

K I'm done. I've gotta go do something totally vegetative to make up for my lost sleep this morning due to the pool repair men grining stone or whatever the fuck they were doing at 8 bloody am!

Ventation

2007-06-03T21:59:00.000-05:00

k well I know I've stopped writing in this thing regularly...and that's cause I've been up to all sorts of stuff and I really haven't had anything to complain about lately (gasp!). I know I know it seems IMPOSSIBLE, but it's true: things have on the whole been going pretty well. Scott comes and stays with me every weekend, we have dinner- sometimes we even go out. I've gotten into a pretty good routine of going to work, shopping a bit, trying to get my Avon off the ground, etc. Now (here it comes, I'm going to complain!) the thing is: I'M STILL BORED! Why you ask? I'm lacking social activities. I get up, go to work, shop a bit, do some Avon stuff, make dinner, watch tv, and go to bed. At no point in time do I hang out with friends because I have none. Now before you get all offended and gasp and shout and go "WTF who the hell does she think she is?!": I DO have friends. Just none that are close enough to hang out with. I don't know anyone to call up and say lets go have coffee or a hangout spot or anything like that. I talk to my friends on MSN- but in an around Toronto I am seriously lacking socialisation. And the real problem is that I have no fucking clue how to fix this. How am I supposed to know? I haven't had to make friends since I was 4 years old! And the thing is that even though I HAVE friends- they seem to have forgotten me, which begs the question are they all really still my friends. Because I seem to be having the WORST luck! I plan get togethers, party weekends, stuff to do, etc- and ppl say they're going to come. Infact people even seem to get excited about coming. And then one or two days before the fact they call me (or txt me or email me) and say that they cannot infact come, and they're terribly sorry. Now stop rolling your eyes and thinking "that happens to everybody get over it". When you invite 23 people and ALL of them cancel on you- something is not right. Especially when it happens 3 times in a row! Do I smell? Am I obnoxious? Is something wrong with me? I'm not wallowing in self pity here or anything I'm just trying to figure out if it's something I'm doing or if people are just incredibly flaky. Cause I really would like to know if it's my own doing. I'd just like a girlfriend- I'd like to connect with somebody. There MUST be other lonely people my age out there! And I mean I love Scott to death, but I can only go so long only seeing my dad and boyfriend- I need female interaction outside of work. That's another thing, I'm pretty sure all my coworkers find me really strange cause I talk ALLOT- but I'm just so damn happy to have somebody to talk to, lol. Ugh...I feel self pity comming on. Kill me. I can't wait for my pole dancing class to start- that'll give me something else to do.

2007-05-30T11:20:00.001-05:00

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Pray for Maxi

2007-04-22T22:12:00.000-05:00

Tonight sucks. This is a horrible way to end a great weekend- Scott and I went shopping on Saturday and I bought a whole bunch of new summer clothes and everything was going good...until my mom called.

They're putting my puppy down tomorrow. Maxi's been sick for a bit, and they took him to the vet and the vet thought he just had a tumor on his liver (Boxer dogs are very prone to random tumors and he's already had one or two removed) but when they got into surgery they found that he had a massive growth that covered his liver, his stomach, his intestines...basically it'd taken over his body. So tomorrow they have to put him down. It's not fair! He's such a good puppy! I mean sure he had a weak bladder and he got over excited but he never hurt anybody all he'd ever do was growl and he didn't mean it he was just playing! It's not fair! Please pray for him tomorrow, please pray for Maxi. He's such a good, sweet puppy. Poor poor puppy...

k I have to go, I'm crying to much. I'll write about the weekend later or whenever I can I guess. Night.

Work, Avon, and SUPRISE!

2007-04-18T21:35:00.000-05:00

Today was an AWSOME day that is finishing on a very bad note, but asides from the INSANE menstral cramps I'm currently experiencing, it was a pretty bitchin day for 3 reasons!:

1. Even though I got out of the house WAY later than I would have liked, I did make it to work on time. The bus was filled with like grade 9s going on a field trip and you know how young teens haven't figured out that they need to bathe regularly yet? Yeah the bus smelt pretty bad. Luckily it's only like a 10 minute ride, so I discovered I can hold my breathe for 10 minutes! Work was good- I litterally walked in the door 5 seconds before my boss, but I was there before she was so that's all that counts! And it was a fairly steady day, not to boring!! YAY!

2. As of TODAY I am officially an AVON sales rep. That's right- I'm here to fulfill all your random Avon needs. For the time being I'm trying to establish a client base in my apartment building, and after that I'm gonna branch out a bit. If you're interested in being an Avon rep or if you wanna take a look at the catalogue just ask! I'm working on a website so I can put the catalogue on there every month.

3. I got a suprise tonight! Scott msged me this afternoon asking if I'd be home tonight so he could call- which I informed him I would be. So after I made my dinner the phone rings, perfect timing...except...HE WAS DOWNSTAIRS IN THE LOBBY! So I got 2 and a half hours of cuddle time with my man which I wasn't expecting to get this week! I love him...he's so sweet...driving an hour each way to see me for a measly 2.5 hours...I think God's missing an angel, lol.

So yeah! As I said, asides from these cursed cramps awsome day. Let's hope tomorrow is just as good!

PDA AND POUTINE!!!

2007-04-11T17:35:00.000-05:00

I'm avoiding cleaning my room so I thought I'd post on here instead. Don't poke holes in my logic!

So today I dragged my ass outa bed and went to work again. I love work, but getting up sucks. So yeah, went to work, did my thing...it was very very slow. And it never fails, it picks up right at Yumiko comes in! GARG- I is jealous, lol. ANYWAYS, after work I went to Yorkdale mall. Why you might ask? Because: I have 4 pairs of work-appropriate pants, 2 of which I actually like. If you know me at all you know that I live in jeans, and I hate wearing dress pants. The texture is to light and I feel like I'm naked. So yeah, I'm not allowed to wear blue jeans at work. Black, beige, white, purple, green, anything but blue. Apparently there's just to many inappropriate styles of blue jeans and therefore she decided to ban them alltogether instead of playing jeans-cop. I owned two pairs on non-blue jeans: one beige pair I bought with Mary a while back which I partially destroyed with black eyeliner when Bruce scared the bejesus out of me while I was lining my eyes one night...but most of the eyeliner came out. The other was a green pair I got at Suzy Shier about a year ago, and which they forgot to charge me for and when I went back to point this out they gave them to me for free anyways. The green pair was like a size 13 (I was in my fat stage) and therefore was a little loose on me but you know what I was only wearing them at work so stfu. WELL...I hate inventory. Everytime I do inventory, I get pen on me. The last two weeks I've done it, I've gotten pen on my pants. So to recap: now my beige pants have pen AND eyeliner on them and my green pants have a big blue line clear across the left thigh. When I washed the green pair yesterday, I added stain remover to my load like I usually do...and I put a bit on the stain itself. I forgot to spot-check. Whoops. So those are now bleached out and totally destroyed. The beige pair...well the pen isn't coming out like it should. So you guessed it: I know have to go to work naked ;). I wore my black dress pants yesterday and today I wore a long shirt which covered the pen mark on the beige pair...not that anyone would have seen anyways since I barely had any customers (thank god I don't work on comission!) But it was time for new pants. So I went to Yorkdale and when I got there I proimised myself I wouldn't spend any more than 40$ on a pair of pants. Guess what? I got 2 pairs of pants for 40$! I got a white/beigeish pair at Suzy Shier for 20$ and a black pair at Dynamite for 22$. So now I have dark non-blue jeans to wear to work, and every Tuesday I shall wear them...pen doesn't show up on black! (Yes that was the longest explanation of a pen stain ever!)

Now onto my rant about Poutine. Why can't I find GOOD poutine in this city?! It's driving me nuts! I need REAL poutine or my poor stomach is going to give out and implode! In the six hours between Montreal and Toronto did the recipe get lost? Is it lieing on the side of the road crying out for help everytime a car drives by, vainly attempting to bring the goodness of real Quebecoise poutine to the residents of this poor deprived city? STUPID TORONTONIANS: not only does your hockey team suck but you also can't seem to create good poutine to save your sorry little lives. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON SHAWARMAS!

Moving on...I'm getting tired of Solo. As a cellphone company they suck. The plan I'm on is a steal and all, but their customer service sucks, as does their website (so you can't even customer service yourself properlly), and their phone selection sucks. I want a new phone, and I'm even willing to pay full price for it, but I don't want any of the phones they offer: basically asides from the fact that I rob them blind ever month they suck as a cellphone provider. Enter me doing cellphone research. Now what I really want is a sidekick but apparently that's not gonna happen cause Canadian cellphone providers are dumb as shit (I may have already mentioned this...). So I've been looking at the Moto Q and the Starcom UT. The Moto Q is cool cause it's really thin and kinda looks like a blackberry...but it's really wide and the keyboard is exposed, and one thing I learnt from having a brick phone is that the keys get nasty when they're always exposed. I like the Starcom cause it's got Windows Pocket 5.0- so I can go online, download notes, powerpoint presentations, excel sheets, go on MSN, etc...basically it's like a mini laptop. And the keyboard slides under the screen, which I like cause the keys stay clean. Those are the major differences. I'm thinking having the mini-laptop might be nice for school next year...being able to download power point prez.s and type some notes...garg I dunno...I need to figure out how much I can afford to pay!

HOUAH! Take a Sec to read this:

2007-04-09T21:48:00.000-05:00

It may take you two minutes to read this, but if you do not take the time to read this you are one of the people this post is talking about.

You stay up for 16 hours
He stays up for days on end.
_________________________
you take a warm shower to help you wake up.
He goes days or weeks without running water.
__________________________
You complain of a "headache", and call in sick.
He gets shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.
__________________________
You put on your anti war/don't support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends.
He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.
__________________________
You make sure you're cell phone is in your pocket.
He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags.
__________________________
You talk trash about your "buddies" that aren't with you.
He knows he may not see some of his buddies again.
__________________________
You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.
He patrols the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.
_________________________
You complain about how hot it is.
He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.
__________________________
You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.
He doesn't get to eat today.
__________________________
Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes.
He wears the same things for weeks, but makes sure his weapons are clean.
__________________________
You go to the mall and get your hair redone.
He doesn't have time to brush his teeth today.
__________________________
You're angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.
He's told he will be held over an extra 2 months.
__________________________
You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight.
He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.
__________________________
You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.
He holds his letter close and smells his love's perfume.
__________________________
You roll your eyes as a baby cries.
He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they'll ever meet
__________________________
You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.
He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remembers why he is fighting.
__________________________
You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of men like him.
He hears the gunfire, bombs and screams of the wounded.
__________________________
You see only what the media wants you to see.
He sees the broken bodies lying around him.
__________________________
You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't.
He does exactly what he is told.
__________________________
You stay at home and watch TV.
He takes whatever short periods of time he is given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.
__________________________
You crawl into your soft bed, with down pillows, and get comfortable.
He tries to sleep but gets woken by mortars and helicopters all night long.
__________________________
You sit there and judge him, saying the world is probably a worse place because of men like him.
If only there were more men like him
__________________________
If you support your troops, repost this with an HOOAH
If you don't support your troops well, then don't repost, it's not like you know the men and women that are dying to preserve your right...

I'm a military gf...I put the OO in HOUAH!

Don't SHOOT!

2007-04-09T21:09:00.000-05:00

k I know I haven't exactly been keeping my ass ontop of this- but that's cause there's been so much going on and this blog is where I release tension and I haven't had buckets of that lately! SO- I left off at the Montreal roadtrip eh? Not much happened for the two weeks after that- essaying, examing, presentation...boring school stuff that made me want to shoot myself. On the upside I am a keyholder for work now! And I've been working unsupervised allot- so I'm uber happy! NOW AFTER the two weeks from hell, I got to go home. YAY! I went home last Tuesday after work on the train and spent that night and Wednesday with my mom. She started her chemo on Wednesday morning so we just did low-impact stuff like watch tv and talk...it was nice. Then Thursday I went with Scott's parents to his grad!!! OMG!! SO SCARY! I still don't understand how my ants-in-his-pants boyfriend stands still for THAT long! He's damn hot in his DEU's though:

That's right: he's mine! My soldier...so hot. Anyways. So yeah the grad went well, everything ran smoothly. We went back to his place that night- I got cuddles on the way home. And his parents got me drunk. That's right they kept pouring the beer down my throat and by time I hit the sack I was on the drunk side of sober. All in all a very successful weekend though. Friday we loafed around and basically didn't move cause we were so exhausted from the day before. Saturday I spent at home with my parents in the morning and then went to Scott's and watched movies and tv all afternoon and then went to my place for dinner. I know it sounds dumb- but when you haven't seen you bf in SO long...doing the normal little things like watching tv and sitting there and just talking without having receivers go quiet or banging in the background or cellphones cutting out...it's a big fat fucking deal. And I LURVE it! Sunday I went to church, went home and had lunch and watched a movie with my parents, then Scott came to get me after dinner and we headed back to TO...where I am now. So today he went to Borden to report: he's living with 4 guys in his room, but he has platoon mates form St. Jean down the hall and shit so he has friends. He gets his weekends off- so I'm going to be having a house guest!!! UBER happy about that. So yeah- everything's working out just peachy. I work all week except for Friday and Saturday for exams and then it's SUMMER and I can do whatever the hell I wish. I likes this. SO- there you have it ladies and gents, an update on my life. I'll try and stay more ontop of this in the future (so Nat has something to do ;) )

An Update of Sorts...

2007-03-22T19:23:00.000-05:00

Well, truth be told I thought I'd be blogging allot more this week than I have...which is not at all. So I guess y'all are wondering about the roadtrip? It was AWSOME- I've never gotten to Montreal in less time! That's not to say Caitlin's a crazy driver, it just passed so quickly what with having ppl to talk to and all. I had an amazing time. Scott and I had a great but mellow St. Patties day, and even though he had to leave SO early in the morning it was still a very successful weekend. St. Jean is a hole though, I'm not exactly sure how he manages to live in that place, I'd go crazy. It looks and feels like a prison. BUT it doesn't really matter cause in 2 weeks he'll be in Borden! April 5th is his grad date and I'm SO excited! That week will be awsome- no more school, no more BMQ, just Easter, Scott's birthday, and Borden! YAY! Scott's getting his Dad's Intrepid cause he gets a deal on insurance through the army...so he can come visit! YIPEE! I love my boy, and I miss him so much. He's been in the field all week and I thought it'd be hell- and it's definitly not fun and I wouldn't wanna go much longer without talking to him, but I've been so busy that it's kinda been okay. Except that I've been sick as a damn dog the whole time so it's like...I want my boy but at the same time I don't want him to see me like this, lol. I miss him I miss him I miss him!!! Tomorrow I'm sleeping all day btw- I need one day to let myself get over this stupid stupid cold!

On the employment front: I'm still in love with my job. My boss is scary, like, hella scary. She drilled me all yesterday and by the time I left I felt awful, but I've discovered that I am learning and her husband seemed comfortable with my level of knowledge so I'm a happy camper. I worked at the First Canadian Place location today and it's so much less complicated than at Eglinton....allot less going on. Unfortunately there's no running water so I can't drink tea other than the tea of the day, but oh well...small trade off. I work TONS next week which kinda blows cause I have to write that damn FACS essay! I'll survive, and hopefully get it done, and well...I hafta bite the bullet and go book hunting in SCOTT library and...gulp...Bronfman. But I can do it, I trust myself! It's my last full week- I can pull it off! I don't work at all the week after that cause I've gotta go home for Easter...so tit for tat as they say.

Now (yes I realise this is getting really long but I've got allot to get out of my system so either close the window or go take a pee, get a soda and when you come back and settle in for a long winter's nap I'll keep going.....go on....you back yet....yes? k, here we go: ) you all know how damn attached to my cellphone I am. Like...without it my arms fall off and I start bleeding from my skin and such. It's a very important device to me. Well lately, and now that I have this brand spanking new job, I've been looking into cellphones/plans/stuff in general...and I have to say I hate the cellphone market in Canada. How do we function as a country?! Personally, I want something that's a bit more PDAish, since I keep my phone on my all the time does it not make sense that my schedual should be in it too? I'd never be late again I tell you! So yes, I've been looking at these phones, and so far the Blackberry Pearl and the Nokia E62 are my most tollerable models...but what I REALLY want is a sidekick, or as it was marketed in Canada, a Hiptop (why does the Canadian name sound so much more dorky?). However it appears that this isn't possible since Rogers and Fido and Bell are all fashicst (I know it's spelled wrong buzz off I'm mad!) pigs who discontinue phones ppl love! ERG! And the thing is that it's so damn expensive to get DATA minutes here too...all I use my phone for is txt messaging, MSN, and the internet. I have nobody to call in Toronto (sad isn't it?) and the few times I DO use the phone on my phone it's either to work, my dad, or a few choice ppl to tell them I'm sick and I'm not showing up for study group, etc. I don't use buckets of minutes on my phone. GARG...STUPID STUPID Canadian cellphone companies!

k...that's my rant...continue on...

You know you're a Military Girlfriend When...

2007-03-20T20:24:00.000-05:00

...you don't mind a phone call waking you up at 4 a.m.and you sleep with the phone on your pillow....you block every contact on your messenger list except your bf and friends in Afghanistan and turn the volume on your computer up as loud as it goes when you go to bed so you know if you hear someone sign in...it's important....you think "Oh my god! That's a good idea!!" when you read the last one and are upset that you didn't think of that one yourself....as your blocking all your friends....you tell people that ask, "he's 'only' been gone a month"....the smallest contact (short email) from your man makes your entire week....you use an entire bottle of his calogne/bodywash so you can smell him around you....wearing his favorite sweater over and over again is in no way sad....you cry over an email that says nothing more than "Hi" and "I miss you"....those recruitment commercials on TV make you cry because you are so proud....you have more "support the troops" crap than you know what to do with and you lay your red shirt out before you go to sleep Thursday night....your sentences start containing more acronyms and numbers than actual words. ...you wonder why your friends and family don't have the same excitement to talk to you as they used to because all you seem to have to talk about is him....you get super excited just knowing that he tried to call but wasn't able to get through....your heart beat's faster everytime the phone rings or MSN dings....aaaand when it's him, it's followed by "ohmygod! omygod! ohmygod!!"... your favorite 'man' to see everyday is the mailman (what a love/hate relationship that is).... you refer to everyone NOT in the military or dating someone in the military as a Civilian....you can rattle off the time in perfect military time without having to think and finally you get excited when you can name the assault rifle correctly....you know exactly what time it is over there.... "No news is good news" becomes your motto....you check your email every 5 minutes...including the middle of the night....planning letters / care packages and putting them in the mail is more exciting then going out for a night on the town with the girls....you don't mind tripping over combat boots left in the middle of the bedroom floor....you hated it when your parent's watched the news...and now it's the first thing you turn on....while enjoying an evening alone together, your boyfriend shows you all the different ways he knows to kill or incapacitate a man, and then you casually continue cooking dinner as though it's perfectly normal....you find yourself learning phrases in foreign languages from letters, and aren't surprised when you realize you know how to say, "Throw down your weapons and lay down on the ground" in Arabic....you hold off on seeing certain movies so you can see them with him when he comes home....the terms : "douchebag", "skeet skeet skeet", and the lines "This is my rifle...", and "What makes the grass grow?", are thrown out randomly followed by hysterical laughing...and then "awww" :( (lol..that ones for you Krys! bahahah)...you want to roll your eyes when you hear someone say "I havent seen my boyfriend in a week."..you start saying thing like "Wow that is a really nice box. Are you going to use that for anything?" to total strangers....certain places you drive by, or things people say make you think "Awww he would have..."...you have seen the following movies more than 100 times: Full Metal Jacket, Jarhead, Platoon, The Right Stuff, Top Gun, and Apocalypse Now....you don't just tie a yellow ribbon around the tree outside...you tie one around your heart....you have a ton of friends with deployed soldiers you've never actually met because they're all online.

An Odd Transformation...

2007-03-15T18:14:00.000-05:00

K, you know how sometimes you make a small, minute, barely noticeable to the naked eye change in your life/lifestyle and all the sudden it starts affecting you in ways you never thought it would? I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, it can happen with good things too: like when you stop drinking soft drinks and suddenly drop 10 pounds or when you start writing in a blog which helps you keep things in perspective and calm down...(I swear this isn't semi-autobiographical...) ANYWAYS...

What I'm talking about is my new job. I LOVE my new job. But it's having a profound effect on my life. I mean, working at Farmboy affected me...I suddenly developped a taste for sweet mustard with sausages and fell in love with expensive cake and breads and got completely bewildered by the best jujubes in the world (some say the Ottawa valley, but I have yet to find comparable ones in Toronto!). So yes, no matter what your job it affects you. I still can't find jujubes I approve of, and I've still got all the tastes I developped there...even if I don't get to indulge them as often as I'd like. But I mean, when I went looking for a job here I didn't expect it to affect me like it is! I suddenly can't stomach pre-bagged tea anymore, I spend tons of time just reading and re-reading the descriptions of all the different teas (this is more so that I don't get yelled at but whatever), I'm reading BOOKS on tea, and I'm suddenly longing for a french teapot and these amazing mugs, and a special infuser. WTF is going on?! It's a job right? But the thing is, now that I have the knowledge (which the common person pays my boss 40$ for 2 hours of teaching, I get paid to learn it) and the means (50% discount, hello?)...I've become a tea snob! Is this good or bad? Btw when I say I can't STOMACH bagged tea...it's not that I can't or won't drink it, but it's very different from loose leaf...oh god I will NOT start writing a seminar on my blog!

Anyways, all this to say that I adore my job but I fear that I am developping a tea snobbery that will last me my whole life long... that being said, don't be surprised if you come over to my house and I offer you strange and wonderful teas...they're AMAZING...

Feeling a Bit...Detached.

2007-03-12T14:14:00.000-05:00

If I could say with full confidence that I'm going through an identity crisis, but that's not exactly what's going on. At least I don't think it is...I'll explain. After I got my job here in Toronto (which I'm still in love with, don't think I'm falling out of love with my job) I decided that I'd be staying in Toronto for the summer. It's a very practical decision: I have a job I love here, I have all my stuff here, I'll be legal to drink in Ontario in May so I can socialise here, Scott will be posted in Borden (which he just found out is a for sure today!) so I'll be able to see him every weekend, I have tons of freedom here, and the shopping is better. It seemed like a very easy decision at the time I was making it, and I'm not saying I regret it, in the long run I'm sure it's the right one...only...well, my parents were supposed to move this summer but now they arn't because of my mom's illness. And I love home, I love Navan, and I kind of feel like I was given an extra summer in Navan and I'm not going home for it. I mean I WILL go home...I'm gonna go home for my birthday and the Fair and probably my Poppa's birthday...but...ugh I dunno. I feel like I'm missing something. This whole experience of moving away has been hard, I hated it for a long time, but I'm finally starting to feel settled. I still miss home though, and I'm wondering, next year when we're packing up all my junk and moving out of the apartment AND the house, will I regret having stayed here? I don't think so...I think I'd be misserable at home cause I'd miss Scott. I dunno...I've just never felt this way before cause I've never moved before. I still love Ottawa WAY more than Toronto, and the Sens will always be my team...I guess this is just one of those leaving the nest decisions. Cause after next year, I'll be moving out on my own...for good.

Bored...

2007-03-11T16:07:00.000-05:00

I'm a bit pissed. I arranged my weekend around the fact that I was supposed to have my group members for our FACS1010 project over today and...nobody showed up. One girl emailed me to tell me she couldn't- so I get that, but the others were supposed to show and didn't. I'm mad. I wanted to go shopping today and I didn't get the chance cause stores close around 5 or 6 on Sundays, all because I was waiting for them to show up! ARG! I hate inconsiderate ppl like that- CALL ME OR EMAIL ME IF YOU PLAN ON DITCHING ME!

So now I'm bored. I wanna go shopping and buy a new dress and a new top or two. I need new clothes, I haven't bought any new clothes in forever. So I'm surfing around on the internet but I hate shopping on the internet, I love going to stores and buying something and being able to wear it right away- screw waiting! I wait for enough stuff already: to find out where Scott's going, if he gets his weekend off, my grocery money, etc. ARG!

On another note: I need new chinos. My old ones have a big faded spot on them from whenI was getting ready to go out and I'd already had a beer or 3 and dropped my eyeliner and got a big line on my thigh so I decided "it's makeup! makeup comes out with makeup remover!"...yeah no. And now that I'm not allowed to wear jeans to work (which is what makes up like 3/4s of my wardrobe) I ought to have at least two good pairs of chinos in my closet, don't you think? A light pair and a dark pair? I wear a big combination of skirts and pants in the summer- I hate shorts, so I like this idea. I think my second or third paycheque will go towards new chinos...and I'm going to order them from Harry! If you're wondering wtf I'm talking about click: http://www.makeyourownjeans.com/affiliates/jrox.php?id=1031_1 That's Harry's website. I know- looks kinda on the sketch side, right? But I ordered jeans from them back in November (some of you may have seen them on me, they're a little baggy now cause I've lost some weight but they fit like a glove when I got them.) He makes custom jeans, cords, chinos, shorts, shirts, etc. So I figure if I'm going to drop money on new chinos I might as well make sure they fit well and can get them in any colour I want! I'm excited! Do me a favour, if you go visit his website and decide to order something- click on that link to get there, I get a comission if you do ;). Thankies!

So lets see what else? I work allot this week, but I'm so happy. It'll keep me occupied for the week before the roadtrip! I'm SO excited to go see Scott! I even reserved the hotel room. I'm smart ;). It's going to be an awsome weekend- roadtrip with the girls to St. Jean, then the whole weekend with Scott, then roadtrip back on Sunday! SO SO SO excited! I love Caitlin, she's such a sweetie for offering to drive us all up there! AND omg- Will just proposed via letter! So Congrats to Caitlin and Will! EEE! This weekend is gonna rock!

So now what do I do? I could go to the gym....naw. I dunno, I'll occupy myself somehow...maybe memorising my lines for drama...

Excited!

2007-03-08T20:37:00.000-05:00

I just looked at my calendar and realised a few very exciting things:

1) Jennaka's Luva comes home in like...just a few days! Omg I'm so excited for her, I can't imagine how excited/nervous/insanely busy she must be! Best of luck to both of you when he get there! Jennaka make sure you go to the drug store first! ;) had to throw that in there...

2)I work 4 times this week! Saturday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thrusday...all 10-2 shifts. I LOVE 10-2 shifts, they are wonderful because you only start to get bored about 3.5 hours in, and then you can't start something new cause you've only got half an hour left- so you stay bored for half an hour unless a plethora of customers come in! STILL in love with this job! Which I'm sure will eventually wear off but let me wallow in the glow until it does, k?

3)I see Scott not this weekend but next weekend! Which I can totally handle. So I either am A) going on a roadtrip with Caitlin and Erin and another girl whose name I can't exactly remember...now I feel bad, oh well...to Montreal to meet up with the guys and stuff or B)going to stay with him in Ottawa. Either way I get to see him! YAY!

4) Scott graduates from BMQ in less than a MONTH! ONE MONTH! YAY! April 5th to be exact. AND...today I found the dress I'm going to wear to it! It's like eggplant purple, and a wrap dress with 3/4 length sleeves...kinda short in the skirt but I figure if I keep my legs closed it shouldn't be a problem. And the bonus is that I can wear it to his grad with a turtleneck underneath it...cause it'll be cold still, and then I can wear it to work! I'm notorious for buying sundresses and cocktail dresses that are perfect for one occasion and then never get worn again- so I'm so pleased with myself!

I also realised that the due dates on allot of my assignments are quickly comming up, which puts a damper on things, but not enough to not go watch Greys Anatomy now!

Oh and P.S- I bought a new Smart Card today and did ALL my laundry. I now officially have clean clothes!

Sometimes...

2007-03-08T00:20:00.000-05:00

Sometimes...usually when I'm really sleepy and there's nobody on MSN to talk to...sometimes I get this strange urge to talk to my ex bfs. Andrew's used to it, he's always been great about completely accepting my idiosyncrasies without really putting to much thought into it being personal or the like- he knows sometimes I just need to blow off steam at an unsuspecting victim...or at least I hope he knows that. Either way he's always been awsome at just accepting the whole been there done that so now we can coexisit thing, so it's not so much Andrew...more, the others. One in particular. Thing is, it's not that I want to talk to this person like a human being, no no, I want to scream at them at the top of my lungs...and yet not. I dunno, its hard to explain, but I'm just doing so well and I'm so happy and everything's just so...in place, y'know? I kinda wanna throw it in his face. Which is mean and totally uncalled for, and it'd SO open up a can of worms that I have no desire to open, so I just don't. But it's a very strange feeling- it's a feeling I expect bullies get in schoolyards when they KNOW they have the upper hand...it's a good feeling, and I feel awful for it cause, well, I was always the one who was the victim of such a feeling...and yet I love it. So I don't exert this upper-handedness, even though sometimes I just WANT to so bad. It just comes at the oddest times...mostly when everything is going SO right, or SO wrong. Scott and I are together and crazy about eachother, I have a job I love, I'm doing awsome in school, I might be moving into a house with Nat and HS if all goes well...just really awsome stuff. So maybe I just need to have drama in my life? As though the whole sick mom, concussed brother, broken van, military thing isn't drama enough lol. Or maybe it's just that he made me feel like I could never ever be happy without him, and here I am doing AMAZINGLY for myself, and I just want to say "ha, I'm happy, I'm SO happy- so take that". Or maybe I'm just overtired and have had to much time to think. Bed.

Caffine + me =...interesting

2007-03-06T21:01:00.000-05:00

I dunno how many of you know me personally, but those of you who do know I'm slightly (yes I know I'm using "slightly" very loosely) caffine sensitive. Coke can get me right wired for 2 hours on a 355ml can. WELL- my new job entails me drinking lots and lots of tea. Like, constantly drinking tea. Tea has more caffine than coffee. This isn't something I took into consideration when I promptly downed like 8 cups of the stuff at work today. So yeah- I was a bit hyper when I got to school. I dunno why but it hit me once I got there, and boy was it fun! I think I've done more socialising since I got here! I LOVE this new job- everybody is so nice and I'm learning so much and I'm so HAPPY I got it! EEE! And she gave me the weekend off to go visit Scott! YAY!

Speaking of my soldier wonder boy...
He's in Farnham this week so no communication :( and I don't get to see him until the 16th, but I'm so happy I get to see him! I just hope he doesn't get hurt in Farnham...and I don't like that he's in bunk beds with girls. That's not cool. Any women make a move on my man and HELL will rain down upon them.

K GG is on and I need to find the cable jack in my room so I can decide how to rearrange it when Scott comes for his first weekend here! I'm getting a TV for my room for my birthday apparently...which is a slightly selfish present on his part cause he'll be the one who watches it mostly...but I've always wanted a TV in my room so if he wants to get me a TV- he's welcome to it!

News News News!

2007-03-04T22:32:00.000-05:00

k, so I haven't been updating allot lately cause I've been so uber busy but alas I feel like blogging now so here goes!

First day at work was AWSOME! Friday night wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be cause Claire came to hang out after class and we just kinda loafed so I didn't even realise when 6 oclock rolled around...which is good cause by time I looked at the clock it was 7:30 and I couldn't have bolted for the bus even if I'd wanted to. Anyways, I got up at 8:30 and was out the door by 10 and I got there on time and started training! OMG this is the best job EVER! I got there and changed into my shoes and came out and immediately they asked me if I wanted some tea- which was awsome cause I usually don't get up till like...2 on weekends, so caffine was needed. So yeah, I started learning the company policies and how to work the cash (evil touch screens...) and all the different kinds of teas and the different areas and stuff (basically if you have any questions about tea from here on in, I'm your girl). And, I know this might not make sense to anyone except possibly my former Farmboy employees: but I can eat while I work. I'm encouraged to drink as much tea as I like, and I'm allowed to eat in this little alcove/back area so long as I'm not helping any customers, and as long as what I'm eating doesn't stink up the whole place. (Popcorn and curry are no nos.) Which means I can drink expensive tea and munch on my new favourite discovery: raspberry yogurt covered granola bars. SO yummy, and healthy, and they're great cause if a customer comes in while I'm munching it's no big deal to put it down and help them: it's not like it's going to go stale if I leave it for 20 mins. AND Scott went and hung around with his friends and after talking to him for a little bit he understood why I took the job when I did and that in the long run it's way more important that I have a job here for the summer. So Yay! Everything is good with him and me, I have an awsome job, I gave my boss the days I can't work (road trip, Scott's grad, exam prep, exams and Easter) so EVERYTHING is going swimmingly! YAY! Everything is working out for once! Now I just need to finish my FACS 1010 essay, get through my Theatre presentation, and my Anthro journals and I'm FREE!

REALLY good news and REALLY bad news...

2007-02-28T11:49:00.000-05:00

k I'm torn atm. You want the good or the bad first? Well I'll do the good because nothing will make sense without it.

GOOD NEWS!: I went to my interview at the Tea Emporium this morning and even though I was kinda late- I got the job! 9$/hr! WHOOHOO! And nothing later than 7 pm- all their stores close at 7pm! Isn't that amazing! And I get to learn all about TEA! I love tea, tea makes me uber happy and calm and the store smells SO good. I'm so happy- and it's not that much of a pain to get to either...one subway and one bus!

Now for the BAD NEWS: I was supposed to go see Scott this weekend in Ottawa just to cuddle and be together cause I haven't seen him in 2 weeks and we're both kinds getting frustrated and in need of some good old fashioned bonding...but I start work on Saturday at 10:30 so now I can't go! FUDGE! And Scott's parents were going to be out of town too so we were going to have the place all to ourselves. So I'm torn. Do I cry because I don't get to see him this weekend or do I celebrate cause I finally have the money to get out from under my dad's thumb?

Decisions Decisions!

Missa et Moi

2007-02-26T00:13:00.000-05:00

Wonderful weekend!...well not really but y'know. Saturday I cleaned the whole apartment, head to toe...but then Iw ent to do my laundry and...I CAN'T FIND MY SMART CARD! UGH! I need that stupid thing to do my laundry! Where did I put it after the last time? fucked if I know!

Anyways, Saturday night Missa came and we had riblettes and noodles for dinner and we watched Material Girls and stayed up all night talking and it was SO much fun...and today we went and saw Because I Said So...AWSOME MOVIE! Like, all my favourite actors in it: I will DEFINITLY shell out the $$ for a real copy of that one. At my favourite bookstore ;). So yeah, pretty low-key...we had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and popcorn at the movie. FUN STUFF! I'm a happy camper :p

This week I finish my review, my essay, and my journal for next Monday so that I can go see Scott next weekend!

MG Hot Beverage Gatherin!

2007-02-22T22:33:00.000-05:00

So! Today I socialised in Toronto for the first time since I got back! Erin and Caitlin from my Facebook MG group went out for tea and cake at Future and it was so much fun! Yeah Yeah I know, 3 girls talking about their boyfriends- whoopie. But it was good to get out and talk to some girls who're in the same position and just really swap stories. They're both uber-nice. And I had a massive peice of chocolate cheesecake- omg I needed that. :D Good luck Erin on your trip up to St. Jean tomorrow!

Let Love Lead the Way

2007-02-20T18:35:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a break from working- so sue me. I downloaded all sorts of songs that girls from my Military Girlfriends group on Facebook recommended- and wow some of them are awsome songs for CFGFs! I kinda stoped listening to the Spice Girls after Ginger left the group (yeah I was in grade 5 or something like that, so what? I still knew when a group was falling apart!) but this one song "Let Love Lead the Way" by them post-Ginger is amazing. I can't stop listening to it. Y'know when you just get a song stuck in your head and can't get it out- especially when it reminds you of your boyfriend? Yeah- that's this song.

Anyways, the last few days have been...both amazing and terrifying. Scott got to come back for his second weekend too! We did nothing- litterally. We slept and watched movies and...mmhmm..yeah. It was great. I don't know why but when he's around my heart rate slows down and I feel so much better. He was so nice about my accident too- I was kinda scared to tell him. I mean I knew he wouldn't yell or anything, but he's so car-crazy that I was afraid he'd lecture me on safe driving habits or something. But he didn't, he was comforting and sweet. It felt nice to have him home. We just stayed at his place the whole weekend. Uber fun! I didn't want to give him back...and I won't see him again for two weeks...ugh...the summer CANNOT come soon enough!

So yeah...I came home on Sunday after saying goodbye to Scott. I hated the whole ride back...I felt like I was on a Prison Ride or something. Got back with minimal mishap, and immediately crashed. I've never been that tired before just from a bus ride, I couldn't keep my eyes open and it was like 11 oclock- and I got ALLOT of sleep that weekend, Scott and I were in bed and asleep by like 11 both nights. Anyways, I woke up on Monday and was feeling like crap- but yeah, I realised I have an entire essay to write by Friday at 1:30 and I hadn't even started, a threatre review the next day that I haven't seen a play to review, and a paper due Wednesday that I hadn't watched either movies for. So yeah- was in a tinge of panic. So I skipped my lecture (no biggie) and went to SMIL and watched Roxanne for my film class-not a very good movie, but funny. And I went to SCOTT Library and found the book on Julie Taymor that I needed, and sine the 1950s version of Cyrano wasn't available and I've already seen it and read the play I figured I'm well equipped to bullshit that half of the paper and headed home and got a good solid start on my paper- a page and a half, DONE! So then I started having a fit about my Theatre Review...and emailed my prof for an extention and bought a ticket to Second City on Sunday. So yeah...then I got to talk to Missa for a bit! She's a sweetie even if she has been MIA for a while. And guess what?! She's comming to visit me this weekend! She's comming in on Saturday night and leaving sometime on Sunday...so it'll be a short but sweet visit. I miss her, and I'll be hard up for some company by that point. So yeah, then I talked to David for a bit, they're both doing well, thank god. The two of them were beside themselves when they broke up, but they're holding up well so I'm glad. Then I went to bed!

So today I wake up from the freakiest dream ever. I don't really remember what it was about, but there was a part when he was about to break up with me cause we were to far apart and I woke up freaking out. It was one of those dreams you wake up from, roll over, and realise he's right beside you and the you wake him up and cry and explain what just happened in your head and he tells you everything's okay and he'll never leave you. Anyways, he wasn't there, and I flipped and then realised he was at BMQ...but I still felt like I needed to talk to him so I wrote him a 4 page letter pouring out my heart. Then I read his 3 page letter I'd gotten in the mail when I got back from Ottawa that was HEART-WRENCHINGLY SWEET, and felt better so I had a shower, had a bagel with cream cheese and jam, and got to work on my paper. Wrote another page and a half today- WHOOPEE! Halfway there...halfway there... so now I'm taking a break before getting crackin on Cyrano de Bergerac. I realised I ditched another lecture but it wasn't necessary.

So I'm going to post my heart-pouring letter tomorrow...I finally have stamps and envelopes so I can just walk into the post office and put it in the box now! Oh and my brother got one of those Mooing milk things a while ago and gave it to me, so I'm going to design one of those and get it so that hopefully I can starve off getting bored of my cellphone for another 6 months or so!

And off I go to write about the big-nosed freak...

Accident...

2007-02-16T16:24:00.000-05:00

Well, bad things come in 3s right? Yesterday I got my 3rd- I was driving Bruce to his dentist appointment, and just as we're getting into Orleans on 10th line Rd. the wind knocks the van onto a patch of ice, I catch the shoulder, spin out and straight into the ditch- FUCK.

Luckily we were right accross the road from a Tamarack Sales Centre, and the lady there was really nice and I called 911 and the cop who showed up was really helpful and hella hot- but I wasn't really focusing on that at the moment. The van's back wheel seemed to be bent so it might be a fucking writeoff- but Civic Motors won't call us back so we have no idea what the damage is. FUCKING HELL. So now my insurance is going to go way up- my mom and brother were both with me but they're okay. Dad's going to shoot me. We just REALLY did NOT need this. Bruce's best friend's parents had to come get us, but I think that was a blessing since his mom is my mom's good friend so she calmed her down a lot.

And the worst part? The first thing I thought when it happened was "I have to call Scott" and then it hit me that I COULDN'T call Scott- and that freaked me out big time. I have nobody to call if I get in trouble- nobody! I've never felt totally alone in my own hometown before-it's only ever happened in Toronto...but at that moment I was so wigged out by that and the fact that Max was in the ditch (yes I named the car) that it just seemed like to much. UGH- WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN!?

It NEVER Fails...

2007-02-14T22:20:00.000-05:00

k, so the last few days have been good. Scott hasn't really been in touch cause he's trying to work really hard so that he'll get next weekend off too :D...here's hoping! So yeah, fun stuff. Hanging out with Mom, taking care of her- at least as much as she'll let me. We went to SuperStore on Tuesday cause she felt like getting out- so we went shopping and I somehow ended up with new clothes...good deal. Today we just kinda hung out. My mom's friend came to see her, and I had to take Bruce to hockey at 5 oclock. Simple, right? Drop the kid off, go get a latte, go back to get him at 7. Piece-o-cake. No, nothing is ever that easy in my family. I took him to hockey and went to get my latte alright, but then when I go back to get him I get a call on my mom's cellphone which I'm using cause it's local saying I need to come get Bruce right away cause he got injured- FUCK. So I go inside and my little love muffin turns out to have severe pain in his neck cause some jackass checked him head-first into the boards. YAY- off to Urgent Care we go! So I make the dreaded call to my mom- she freaks, understandably, and insists on getting her friend to drive her in. I insist she stay put, I have it under control. The kid doesn't have his health card on him (HE'S 15 AND HE DOESN'T CARRY A WALLET- WHY?!) but one of the awsome things about living in the same area since you could poop is that everything, EVERYTHING is on file somewhere. So we totter off to Urgent Care- btw it's snowing like crazy and it's like massive full-blown blizzard out there- and low and behold the fine young man behing the counter does indeed have his OHIP on file- thank goodness we never got those new photocards- YAY oldschool red and white ones! So yeah, I tell em the story, and they put us through faster then I've ever seen. THE SECRET TO GETTING THROUGH URGENT CARE IS TELLING THEM YOU HIT YOUR HEAD! The waiting room was FULL- so obviously we kinda settled in cause we've been through THAT before- but no, right into room 10 (never been in that one before- that was a new experience), nurse comes and checks his vitals, I get the doctor statement from his coach, the doc comes in, orders an xray- bing bang boom, xray is done and it's just lots of soft tissue damange, here's your perscription for T2s and you can go home! SO- that was my night as the responsible older sister! I feel cool- I get to write a note excusing him from his project tomorow, yes ladies and gentlemen I have indeed hit the age of majority! I'm not really suprised- it's Valentines day- something always gets fucked up on Valentines day, it's not allowed to be a happy day for me. I miss Scott, lol. But he got his Valentine in the mail and was all excited cause apparently he hasn't gotten a Valentine in forever- so I felt special :) He was so sweet when I txted him that we were in Urgent Care too- he said he was getting his C7 tomorrow and whoever hurt his "brother in law type thing" would get it bad- and failing that, a combat in the face would be a pleasent subsitute. AWWWW....look at my big strong soldier protecting my brother. Why is that so incredibly hot? He also said he was sorry shit kept happening when I was alone to deal with it- but I don't really mind. I like having real responsibilities...it makes me feel real. Unfortunately now more than ever I feel like Ottawa is my home...I mean where else can you walk into a clinic and say "well he doesn't have his health card, but here's our phone number, his name is Bruce. Got it? okay good". with total confidence that they DO infact have it. STUPID STUPID TORONTO! Oh well...

NEVER A DULL DAY IN THE SMITH HOUSEHOLD!

Do a little dance, make a little love...

2007-02-11T15:06:00.000-05:00

So...Friday morning I woke up, did the last little bit of packing and came home for reading week! WHOOT! I was all jittery the entire day cause I wasn't sure if Scott was comming home or not- so I was like bouncing around the whole trip, watching a movie, trying not to concentrate on it. AND THEN around 6:15 I got the txt! HE WAS COMMING HOME!!! OMG I SCREAMED SO LOUD! Ppl thought I'd won the lottery, lol. Which I pretty much had ;). So yeah- I was so excited to get home, and I saw my mom and watched tv with her and was like bouncing out of my skin waiting for Scott to get back, which took forever. And I put my mom to bed. And then he txted that he was comming so I got my jacket and shoes on and waited for him to show up, and he DID! OMG IT FELT SO GOOD TO SEE HIM! Omg, I can't tell you how good it felt to kiss him and hug him and...oh...so so good. And when we were driving back to his place I was staring at him and he was like "stop looking at me. If you keep looking at me, I'm going to look at you, and if I look at you I won't be able to look away and we'll crash." AWWWW! So yeah we got home, talked to his mom a bit, he had some water, we went to his room and around 2:30 am he drove me home. Then he came to get me at noon on Saturday and we went to the bank and to Food Basics to see his old work buddies and then to Alejos! The guys just played video games and and we chatted...I got to crash cars. :D We went to get Shawarmas. I had so much fun. I know it might sound unbearably dull to some women- but I have no problem watching the guys play video games. As long as I'm allowed to lay with my head in Scott's lap- I don't care. I know he's having fun, and it's interesting to see them play on the screen. And then at the end they let me try and I fail misserably but they laugh and try and tell me how to do it right, and I dunno...I had fun and I felt loved. So then we went back to his place and he put on his CADPAT and let his mom take some pictures. OMG SO FUCKING FREAKY. It was like my boy to soldier in 2.4 seconds. He seemed taller (no it wasn't just the combats), straighter. And he was doing the whole at ease- at attention thing...like full drill in the livingroom. SO SCARY! I have no idea how my sweet, gentle, amazing boyfriend handles it! Or even DOES it! It was like looking at a totally different guy! A very sexy sexy soldier, but still- so scary. Anyways, I made him take it off cause it was freaky. Then we went downtown to the hotel, checked in, watched some tv, then went off to dinner at the Elephant and Castle. I LOVE the Elephant and Castle. So yeah- we went, we had fun...and I'll leave the rest of the night to your imagination. Safe to say we had an amazing night and waking up this morning in my soldier's arms was THE BEST feeling I've ever had. However once we got up it was all kinda rushed...we had to get home in time so Scott could pack and have lunch before he went to back to St. Jean...and now he's back there all by himself. :( But I had the MOST amazing weekend ever! THANK YOU GOD FOR ANSWERING MY PRAYERS!!! I feel so much better now- no more depression. I might even be able to write my essay ;).

FUCKING BLOODY MOTHER FUCKER!

2007-02-08T19:40:00.000-05:00

ARG!!!! So I wait around all day to hear from Scott- and low and behold I finally get a txt. He said he was in class today and the warrent walks in and says whoever's bed has been flipped doesn't get a weekend- so he goes upstairs and his bed is flipped! FUCK! But THEN he says he isn't on the "fire picket" list yet- wtf that means I have no idea- they have to walk around and make sure there's no fire? Anyways, I guess the only reason they can be kept is if they're fire picket or Course Senior-again, no idea, but w/e. So he seems to think that if he works his ass off tonight and tomorrow there's a small chance that they'll let him leave...but on the whole there's a huge chance they won't. FUCKING WARRENT! Damnit...the only thing that was really keeping me going at this point was seeing Scott and now that I probably won't I...I dunno, I feel like throwing things and puking. Actually I've been cleaning for the last couple of hours. FUCKING FUCKING ARMY!

DAMN Laundry!

2007-02-07T20:56:00.000-05:00

k, today was relatively low-key. I had no classes today so I just kinda hung out, made cinnimon buns and y'know-hung out. I actually got all dressed and everything to go to Excal- went all the way there just to have Renata tell me that she had nothing for me to do, so I came all the way back cause Scott said he'd call- and he did! I cried when he told me that if I turned out to have th BC herditary gene that he'd be with me through everything...I know it'd be like 30 years before it'd even affect me, but still, for him to say he'd be beside me through thick and thin was more than I could handle- I want to marry this guy so bad!

And ah yes, the point of this post: the laundry. K, last week there was no door on the laundry room (why? nobody knows...) so this week after frantically looking for my SmartCard I get down there with all my stuff and realise: the door is back and I need my passcard. (Doing the laundry involves allot of cards.) So I come ALL the way back up to my apartment, get my passcard, go back downstairs to the laundry room, put all the dirty shit in the washers, and put my SmartCard into the slot and: I'm out of money. Damnit. I forgot to get my dad to reload the fucking thing. So once again, BACK up to the apartment to get my credit card (card #3) and reload the damn SmartCard. So now my dad owes me 48.50$ and I have clean clothes...well, almost. I need to go put them in the dryer...

SLAPS STUPID PPL UPSIDE THE HEAD

2007-02-06T18:53:00.000-05:00

So I'm about --> <-- that close to hoping a bus up to St. Jean and slapping every last soldier in Scott's platoon upside the head. The army has no wrath like that of a woman scorned, yes?YESTEDAY he txts me all pissed off cause some moron closed the supply closet door. Yeah I didn't get it at first either, but apparently that door is to remain open, and apparently the supply closet is Scott's charge. So this idiot closes the door, Scott gets in shit, and was obviously peeved because he got yelled at for some other moron's mistake. You'd think by now they'd know not to touch stuff they're either A) not supposed to or B) that they're not incharge of. Anyways he got over it, turns out he was also upset cause his stomach aches. I want to give him a hug so bad it hurts. TODAY he txts me and this time some idiot used the broom after Scott cleaned it. AGAIN- ppl! Stay away from the supply closet! Granted, I think my dear boyfriend oughta be keeping a better eye on said closet, but why is it all the sudden giving him problems this week? So now he's all upset cause one more strike and he can't come home!!! I think I'm going to die if he can't come home...I want him home so so badly. I NEED to give him a kiss or I think my lips are going to shrivel up and fall off (lovely mental picture ain't it?). ARG!! I DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW!!!! I NEED HIM!!! So all you pitiful soldiers have been warned: do not fuck Scott over again this week or hell will rain down upon you in the form of a very frustrated very pissed off female university student.

On a more positive note: MY MOM IS OKAY! I don't know to much, but she had her surgery, she's home, and she's all drugged up and she hasn't complained of pain. YAY! Oh I'm so relieved to hear it. I love my Mommy. Keep praying for her though- this is just step one of a very long journey.

And now I have to speak about a topic that's been on my mind all day: engagement rings. Yes I know you're all gonna be like "who doesn't think about htem?" but really- I've decided they are a leveling mechanism. Think about how EXPENSIVE it is to be a girl: overpriced underwear, lingerie, pads, tampons, makeup, bodywash, shampoo, hair styling products, blow dryers, curling and flat irons, clothes, shoes, the list goes on and on. Everything that is necessary to be a woman, costs more. Sure men have random things like aftershave and stuff, but on the whole they can get away with the cheap stuff...and there's a whole lot less for them to buy. So men bitch and complain about having to pay for dates, and buy crazy expensive rings- but honestly, if you think about it, guys always have so much more money than us because all that green we're dishing out on makeup and feminine hygene products, they're putting in the bank! AND THAT ladies and gentlemen is why you have to pay for dates and give us big shiny rocks: it's a leveling mechanism we've built into society. I close my case.

Chicken strips are for dinner, anybody want to come and watch Friends with me? lol
Oh and btw- tested out those square bagels and they're delish. And they fit in a ziplock 10x better. I am hooked. Now I just need more cream cheese and raspberry jam. (ever tried it? it's like desert at breakfast)

I'm a Geek!

2007-02-05T16:23:00.000-05:00

k I'm way more excited about this than I really oughta be but bear with me:

My brother's an EA NHL game fan. He's had every version of the game since 2000 excluding the lockout year I believe. So anyways, for Christmas he gets his 07 version, all excited and it didn't work cause low and behold: they've switched to DVD and the computer in Ottawa was DVDdrive less. A fact I pointed out. Anyways, Dad decided that since Bruce is such a trooper and heck they probably oughta have a DVD drive anyways, he buys a relatively cheap DVD drive on boxing day, and all's well. Scott installed it (cause he's so smart that way!) and badaboom badabing- my lovely Booboo has his NHL 07 game raring to go. So about two days ago after I got back from watching about a million epiosdes of Friends, I realise my Brucie boy has left me a message about modding his NHL 07 game, and not having a freaking clue how to do this. BIG SISTER TO THE RESCUE! So we didn't connect yesterday, but today he gets home from school and we try and figure this thing out the old fashioned way: we talk it out. Only he hasn't a clue wtf I'm asking of him so he can't really tell me much. And short of me actually taking the zip file and installing it on MY computer (something I really did not what to do, I like a clean computer) we wern't exactly sure wtf to do. Then it hit me: THE LATEST VERSION OF MSN HAS REMOTE ASSISTANCE! Whoopdiedoo! So we try that, first time it won't let me through cause they have this random firewall. Anyways, we try again: and it works! I could see his screen and this every mouse move (hehe). Then...I TOOK CONTROL OF THE COMPUTER! And I installed both his mods! Easy stuff really he just hasn't a clue about computers. But yeah- I DID A GEEKY THING! It was really cool too cause I could control both my computer AND his: which was a golden opportunity for me to take some of my files he couldn't find and transfer them to MY computer! So oh happy day, the remote thing worked and it was mucho cool!

On a side note: isn't it funny how the entire time I lived at home I was blamed for the messy computer? For the multiple crashes and it constantly fucking up? And isn't it funny how now that I'm no longer using that computer: updating it, deleting extra files, and basically maintaining it, that THEIR computer is the one that's all fucked up and mine runs like a dream on wheels? Yes, I thought so, it's hilarious.

ANYWAYS- on to my day. Well, it's not over yet, and I will probably post again today, but what the hay. I went to class today and basically got a bible lesson. From an Anglican perspective. Why, may I ask, am I paying about 40$ a class to learn stuff I was taught for free when I was 4 years old? Yes, it was an Anthro class on religion and the best teachers teach what they KNOW- and apparently this guy knows Anglicanism. Which is fine. But why does a dude who doesn't consider himself a Christian preach like that?! I think he missed his calling. Granted, he's an excellent prof most of the time- one that talks in point form and makes himself really clear- but I think he'd have made a top notch minister. Anyways, I was bored stiff while listening to Jonah and the Wale, and I'd forgotten my cellphone (I know what you're thinking: blast! She never moves and inch without her cellphone, it's practically fused to her ass!) so I decided to write Scott a letter, cause apparently he likes mail. So I wrote him a 3 page letter, just telling him what I was thinking and stuff. It felt kinda like a really long retorical txt message, lol. I'm not a fan of letter writing, I like to be responded to (which is why I adore it when ppl comment on my blog *hint hint* j/k lol). But I managed to pump out 3 pages, draw a little somethin somethin on the back, and after class I scouted out the campus post office and mailed it! So he oughta have that before the weekend...and hopefully I get to see him this weekend!!! YAY!!!

So yeah, other than that...uhh...I went grocery shopping and discovered something called square bagels. I'm intruigued. I wanna see if they actually taste like bagels. And...cheesecake was on sale. I promise not to eat the whole thing at once!

I LEFT THE HOUSE ON A SATURDAY!

2007-02-03T18:29:00.000-05:00

EEEE! k, I'm in an uber good mood because I actually left the house on a Saturday. My Auntie Caroline took me and my cousins Katie and Larissa out to lunch at the Rainforest Cafe (it's a kids restaurant, but it was so much fun!) and we all ate so much and got so full...and we talked and stuff. I love my cousins, they're so cool. Katie and I have these creepy similarities...it's like the Smith genes just showed up in the two of us, lol. Well...except the feet gene. Me and Rissi got that one, lol. But yeah- so much fun at the restaurant. There was an aligator and an elephant and gorillas and a snake...and they all moved! Like...animatronic! And the thunder and lighting sounded every half hour...it was scary, lol. Oh and the frog...the crazy frog. It was cool. SO cool, there were all these tropical fish. And Auntie Caroline treated us which was SO nice, and then she went and gave me 50$ to go shopping! She's so nice to me!!! So yeah, then Katie and Larissa and I went shopping and got matching tshirts, lol. I got a yellow one, Katie got a pink one and Larissa got a blue one! They're like...rugby tshirts, tres cute. So yeah, and we shopped for purses and stuff and I had so much fun! Oh! And we were waiting to meet back up with Auntie Caroline after we shopped, and these random guys came up to us and were like "We're travelling magicians and we were wondering if we could borrow you for our YouTube video". So Katie and I were like "uhh...okay" and Larissa was like "I don't like this" (Poor Larissa, she was afraid she would get mugged) So they took us into the Rainforest Cafe (man that restaurant now has a special meaning, lol) and they did some semi-cool magic tricks. One of the guys who did this scarf thing with my hands was really talented. Anyways, if I find the video on YouTube I'll post the link! We had an adventure! Man I miss going out, lol. But yeah, I had a blast. I hope sometime they'll come visit me for a weekend or whatnot. Anyways...look at us boot-i-ful cousins that we are:

I GOT A LOVE LETTER!

2007-02-02T16:08:00.001-05:00

Omg my boyfriend wrote me a love letter! I actually cried! Omg I love him I love him I love him...

Because I can...

2007-02-01T23:04:00.000-05:00

MINE

...and I won't show you the other two because they arn't for public consumption....yeah

I'm in love, lol. He's so sweet! I feel like shit today right, I'm like dead. And he just keeps telling me how he'd take care of me if he were around and how badly he wants to take care of me and...basically making me feel better. And then he sent me pictures! He's so so sweet!

Bleh- yeah, I've decided the reason I'm not leaving the house this week is cause I'm sick. I'm going to go to class tomorrow, but skipping the other two was justified. So....*sticks tougne out because she can't locate her uber cool emoticon*

Questions, Questions, Questions

2007-01-31T16:09:00.000-05:00

I've been cutting classes this week like they're filled with highly contagious diseases...why? Last Friday before I went home I cut my lecture, although granted it was because I forgot my proposal and therefore had to go home and get it before my Tutorial so I wouldn't fail. Monday my alarm woke me up and quite frankly, I just didn't feel like getting out of bed, so I didn't. Yesterday I actually hauled my ass to class, but today I got all ready and then decided I was going to be late anyways and I have this blog to write for my online Hollywood class, so I figured I'd shove it. Tomorrow I don't have class (more on my problem with tomorrow later), and Friday I am going to FORCE myself to go! I've decided it's just a bad week, that missing one class won't kill me, and that basically I just needed some time to get my head clear. Am I being way to lazy? Ugh, I'm going to hate myself later for this I know it...

Now my problem with tomorrow. K, so this guy I've known for a while from the internet and I were chatting last night and he tells me he's joining the Forces! So we're chatting and I'm telling him all about the army and he's asking me questions about BMQ and shit and blah blah blah I remember its 2 am and get the hell to bed. So today after I chose to cut my class, stay warm and safe inside and do my Hollywood paper, we start chatting again and I let it drop that I'm bored shitless in Toronto. He goes "oh really? We oughta get coffee sometime!" So I said okay, and he suggested tomorrow at 5:30 so I was like "yeah, okay". Now I'm questioning myself. Technically I've never met the guy....and Scott's on the phone and he said no- SO that cleared that up. I love how he knows exactly when to call. Anyways, off to Excalibur!

I feel like I'm going nuts

2007-01-30T21:53:00.000-05:00

k, so Scott just called...and I'm so so so happy we might get to be together the weekend of the ninth! YAY!! But he just called and...I know this sounds nuts, but I feel like he's JUST out of reach, like if I wish hard enough he'll somehow magically manifest himself beside me in bed. I CAN'T SLEEP SOLO! The bed is just to damn big! YES I realise I sleep in a twin STUFFED with pillows...that doesn't mean they take the place of living, breathing, boyfriend! He was telling me how much he wished he could wake up in the middle of the night and rub my back and play with my hair...and I could practically feel him rubbing my back and pushing the hair off my face. I never thought I'd say it- but I miss him watching me while he's supposed to be watching the tv! I MISS MY BOYFRIEND!

k, now that I have that out of my system.

I still haven't heard from Moxies...which probably means I didn't get the job (which sucks cause I really NEED the job). And...oh, my "director" Demetry makes me want to shove a sock down my throat.

Yes I'm having a pity party, get over it.

My mom's surgery got moved up a day, so now it's the 6th. Which means I get a week sans Dad- YAY! OMG I can't wait to see Scott...anyways, yeah, week sans Dad- WOOT!

And now it's left me as to why I even began this entry. But that's okay! Anyways...off to watch the producers...1968 version.

Pictures, VIDEOS, and love <3

2007-01-30T11:58:00.000-05:00

I know this is going to sounds uber-stupid. But I love my boyfriend, I really do. Now that we've figured out how to send pictures and videos back and forth- I feel so much less like he's out of reach, y 'know? I dunno, I'm head over heals for this guy- and lately he's been talking weddings! We both know we're not getting married until AT LEAST he's out of Borden and posted, but come on, any guy who sits there and asks "so, like, when you picture your wedding in your head, am I the one standing at the alter?" will make you melt into a pool of loving mush.

I'm really really upset though, cause Moxies has yet to call- and I REALLY wanted that job. Garg, they said they'd call today at the latest. DAMNIT! I really need to find work...somebody hire me... That's my boy trying to cheer me up...it did the job. :)

Weekend in O-Town

2007-01-28T23:44:00.000-05:00

k, so the weekend at home was...interesting. Spent it with my mom which was nice. We went shopping and I got new sweat pants (mens sweats are so comfy...and nothing is softer than new sweats!) and two skirts for summer (cause my legs are fat so I hate shorts, but skirts are flowy and cool without baring my backside). So shopping well done. And we had a girls night and watched movies and hung out. It was nice to spend time with my mama. Unfortunately I won't be there for her surgery....and I found out my Gammy has 6 to 9 months to live. My GAMMY! I can't believe nobody told me! Now I feel awful for not spending more time with her and such...omg I hate this. AND Scott is sick. I mean he's in okay spirits, even though they changed his section and everything...but he's sick. And they let the whole platoon go sick for a while before they let them go to the Canex to get meds. The poor guy sounded like that dude in the strepsils commercial with the chainsaw in this throat. I wanted to go take care of him so so so badly....ugh. On the upside my hidden swiffer cloth came in handy- haha. I knew it would. I win. So yeah...he's sick, my mom and grandma are sick. Maxie (my dog) is sick. Everyone is sick. This isn't good...yuck yuck yuck!

I feel awful!

2007-01-25T00:22:00.000-05:00

So Scott and I are exchanging txts, and I'm laying on my bed all warm and cozy and happy cause I'm talking to him, and I decide to rest my eyes while I wait for the next txt to be received. Next thing I know my dad is banging his way through the door and it's 10:30- NO! My phone died and I fell asleep! So not only did my phone not wake me up- but it took me like 5 minutes once I was awake to get the phone plugged in, turned on, and fire off some txts hoping he was still awake- which he wasn't. Or he'd turned off his phone. Either way now I feel so guilty. He's up there stressed out and in need of support and exhausted, and I can't even keep my eyes open! Granted- I haven't really slept that great since he left (the bed is just to big...and cold) so I'm exhausted too...but I shouldn't have dozed off in the middle of a conversation! Now I'm going to spend all tomorrow hovering over my phone hoping he txts me back. *kicks herself* I can't wait to be able to talk to him face to face again- technology just doesn't do it.

Yay!...no school tomorrow!

2007-01-24T19:47:00.000-05:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Apparently that webcomic reminds Nat of me for some reason...I don't ask questions. Actually I do ask questions, I just don't expect them to be answered.

Turns out Demetry was mad at me for leaving class yesterday after all-but now he feels bad, haha. I win, I always win! Speaking of yesterday and my wonderful rant on menstration- I have yet another. WHY is it impossible to sleep in in this building?! Every time I get a morning where I don't have to immediately leap out of bed the second my alarm goes off, something inevitably wakes me up anyways! In the warmer months when they were working on the Streetcar track- it was a fucking jackhammer, then more recently and frequently it's people I don't know calling for Paramount Travel- I have searched and searched and have yet to find a Paramount Travel with my number listed! BUT- the bane of my sleeping, is the fire alarm. Now, I understand when you have to test the fire alarm- but honestly, this should not take 2 hours. It should be "flick fire alarm on, okay, it works, flick fire alarm off". Done. So not only does Minto test the fire alarm monthly, and exclusivly on Wednesdays- one of my sleep in days, no no, Minto has a vast inability to call the fire department promptly when the alarm DOES go off. Usually in the basement, and always a false alarm. They let the stupid alarm go throughout the whole building for like half an hour before the resident manager announces he's called the Fire Dept. And this is no normal fire alarm like in Elementary school- not that insessant buzzing, nor even one of those old school bells. No no, this alarm sounds like Grover blasting off in that stupid kids game that teaches you to type (probably nobody knows wtf I'm talking about, but it's the best likeness I can think of- and I hated that Grover game.) You can't even put your head under the pillow and pretend it's soothing, because all you can think is "damn that Grover and his space helmet that looks like an inverted fishbowl". GARG! And yeah, I know, you're also thinking "umm...Lana...when the fire alarm goes off- get out of bed, get dressed, and get out of the building." Yeah, no. Unless there is a fire in MY apartment, which there isn't, it is the job of the resident manager to announce if we need to evacuate. No way in hell am I getting out of my nice warm bed to go stand in the snow in my slippers, because some idiot moving his great-grandmother's dining room set (get over it buddy, if your wife doesn't like it now, putting it in storage for 10 years isn't going to make it magically appeal to her) into storage didn't look where he was going and bumped into the alarm pull. Even worse- the same moron never thinks to go upstairs to the office and inform the people there that it is indeed his fault and to turn off the bloody alarm!...k, that was my rant.

Now on to other subjects. We are fucked for FACS 1010, actually I'm fucked for FACS 1900 too. EVIL CLASSES! When these classes are done, I will honestly consider myself a genious if I get over C+ in them. EVIL EVIL CLASSES!

On a more positive note- Scott sent me more pictures!!! AND YAY I JUST GOT A PHONE CALL! Poor guy is dead and frustrated to no end. He said it's like being in a locker room 24/7. Oh but it's so good to hear his voice. Hearing I love you is so much better than reading it! On cloud nine again- I told him about the fire alarm and in true Scott fashion he said I was overreacting...see? I miss having my big strong man telling me when I'm acting nuts. It was so great to hear him saying "sweety...it's just an alarm, go to sleep and just relax"...how great is it that he's in this crazy place where he can't even go outside and he's getting 7 hours of sleep a night and he's stressed and being yelled at constantly, and he's still calm enough to say stuff like that? I could practically feel him brushing the hair out of my face and rubbing my back as he said it. mmmm...yay!

I don't care what the commercials say...

2007-01-23T18:14:00.000-05:00

BEING A GIRL DOES NOT ROCK!

k, y'know those annoying tampon commercials where there's a bunch of teenyboppers jumping on a bed and at the end they say "becase being a girl rocks!"...they make me want to throw up. Especially when I'm laying on the couch with a cup of tea and cramps so intense I'd say they border on minor contractions. Being a girl does not rock at those times, not in the way those commericals imply. Being a girl rocks when you get to spend 1500$ on a wedding dress and have everyone pay attention to you for an entire day, being a girl rocks when you get to wear pretty rings and go shopping, when you get to wear skimpy bathing suits that cost as much as your winter coat, etc. Being a girl DOES NOT rock when you're in so much pain you can barely move! Who ever came up with that commercial was obviously a man, or else they wouldn't make such a stupid statement. And then there's the men who think we're faking it, or that it's "not that bad". Tell you what buddy, when you can push a bowling ball out of your dick without so much as flinching, then we'll talk. Until then you just have to take my word for it that it IS that bad and shut the fuck up. Honestly, if a man woke up bleeding profusely from his crotch he wouldn't get out of bed let alone go to school, go grocery shopping, etc. So if I decide to leave class early or just take the day off because I don't feel like "dealing with it" on that particular day you have no right to bitch at me for it. I reference you to the above statement about the bowling ball.

Oh and I forgot...

2007-01-22T23:26:00.001-05:00

Oh yeah, and I got another interview with Moxies tomorrow...what shall I wear, what shall I wear?!

KISSES FROM BMQ!

2007-01-22T21:23:00.000-05:00

So...I've been getting txts since about 6 oclock! I'm so so happy! Lecture sucked today, I did all the rest of my laundry, and...oh, I cleaned. But I got txts AND pictures! Scott is, um...sexually frustrated shall we say? And today at PT he was able to/told to punch a bag of oats. Well...he decided to get some of that frustration out in anohter way, and this is the result:

My poor poor boy! His gorgeous hands! I'm going to have to fix him up when he gets back. Sigh...I'm pretty sure getting boys frusterated and then making them punch bags of oats isn't a good idea, but if it works for the army, who am I to complain? Except that now his poor hands hurt...:(

But then...

KISSES FROM BMQ! Not a big fan of the unbreakable glasses...I like his other ones much better, but that's my boy! Mmmm...I wanna kiss him so badly. *does a little dance* I can handle phone kisses, lol. He's so sweet- even with the beastly glasses. mmm...my man.

Anyways, bed time!

Silly boy...

2007-01-21T19:59:00.000-05:00

k, so today was good! Scott seems to have his cellphone back (at least so long as he's not caught...) so he txted me a little last night, but he fell asleep, poor boy...Anyways he txted me around 6:30 this morning cause he felt bad for not saying goodnight, lol. Of course I was dead to the world, but I managed to fire off a few consoling messages. So I went back to sleep until 12:30, got up, sent him a message to see if he'd respond...he did! Yay! He's..um...very eager to see me, lol. Anyways, so we txted while I was getting ready to go out- and I spent the day with Emily! She took me to this amazing bakery called Future...omg, best cake ever. It took me a solid hour to eat a peice of cake, I swear, it was so rich. And really good tea too. Then we went back to her Rez. and she showed me her room (very nice compared to York) and we watched football with some of her guy friends. It was nice to be around men, lol. And then I came home to clean up this pigsty that I call home. It was nice to be out and about doing stuff. I totally need to be more social. Anyways, while I was out I stopped txting Scott, cause I sent him a txt telling him I was out. Well, apparently he didn't get it somehow, cause he thought I'd passed out. (not an unusual occurance, but still) and he freaked! He was sending me txts (which I was ignoring since I assumed he was just sending them to be read later...) and he called and left a message saying "Lana...sweetheart, please pick up" and then it hung up, but he sounded like he was going to cry. I felt SO SO SO bad. He thought I was hurt, and when I txted him back he said he was panicking cause he thought I'd hit my head or something and he couldn't do anything about it. And the sweetest txt ever "don't do that when there's nothing I can do to help you! I love you, I always want you to be safe, and it scares me that there's nothing I can do to make sure you're safe". Poor guy, I felt like chewing my arm off after I got that one. Sigh, I miss my man. I miss feeling like I'm living my life, and I'm sick of feeling like my life is somewhere else going on without me. I want everything to come together. Let's see how if that happens this week at all...

ANOTHER CALL!

2007-01-20T20:08:00.000-05:00

Omg I'm on cloud nine. Scott called again and he's good, bored by good. Him and Sherba (Mike) are friends, they're right next to eachother in their cubicles. Which is a cool coincidence. Mike adds me on Facebook, and it turns out he's Scott's bunkmate. Karma? They watched a plastic bag float around for an hour today- Mike named it Jimmy cause it couldn't get over the wall. Yeah, I don't understand either, but that's okay. He's...well, frustrated, lol. He can't wait to come home for the weekend. And I think I made it worse...whoops lol. But he's in good spirits. It's so nice to hear him talk, and to talk to him. I talked to him for like an hour without even realising it. Oh I love him I love him I love him! Apparently there's a rumour that they might get a week off in March...but both he and I doubt it. He's such a sweetheart. OMG I love him! I can't wait to have my sexy sexy boy back! So yeah, 2 weeks down!

Oh and my entire paternal extended family found out about my mom today. They keep calling me and msging me on Facebook, they're so worried. But we're going to go out for lunch and shopping in two weekends, I think. That'll be nice. OMG he called again! Eeee! Sorry, a little preoccupied. He said the calls will probably get more infrequant, but I'm okay with that. I heard him talking and we talked like normal, it was great. I love him, I really love him so much.

HE CALLED AGAIN!

2007-01-19T21:56:00.000-05:00

SO SO SO SO SO happy! omg I miss him so so so much...but he sounds good. He's tired, poor boy. I wish he could sleep with me. But he's doing good- and he loves me! I know it's awful, but I really enjoy hearing him say he still loves me. :D SO happy. I miss my baby but I'll have him soon enough. I feel more independant already! Mmm...he sounds so good. I love him so so much. Mine. Oh, and his best friend Alejo and I have been talking, and turns out Scott told Alejo that he thinks he's going to marry me! I mean, I already knew this was in his mind and all that- we talk about getting married all the time. But y'know how a guy can tell you anything he wants? Well I mean I never thought nor would I ever think that Scott would lie to me about something like that- but if he told his best friend he must REALLY mean it! Mmm...yay for boys. Yay for my boy! Forget Prince Charming, I have a soldier!

Mom update

2007-01-18T01:08:00.000-05:00

k, so Mom update: she went to the doctors today, and she has cancer in her right breast and its starting to spread to the left one. So they're giving her a double mastectomy (taking off both her breasts) and taking out her lymph nodes too. This is going to happen sometime in the next 2 to 3 weeks. My aunt is taking some time off to go help her and my grandma, and my dad and brother are taking time off too. For some reason I'm not allowed to go home to take care of her, but am being told I must stay here and go to school. So yeah, please keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers, she needs all the help she can get.

HE CALLED!

2007-01-17T20:52:00.000-05:00

HE CALLED! Omg he called and his voice was clear as a bell! Omg he sounded so so so so good, I feel kinda like a fool, I couldn't stop saying I love you, but omg! He's doing well and apparently nobody knows his first name except Mike, but he thought that was funny. So yeah, I got to talk to him and he told me to be good, and that I was lazy for switching into an online course (hardy har har). And apparently Nat's a bad influence (she's not, but he thinks she's nuts). And Alejo's not allowed to stay here unless he's here, lol. He also said anyone who tried to move in on me would get a combat boot to the face...something that I gather would be very painful. OMG HE CALLED! And he told me he loved me, and that I'd better be here when he gets back. He said I'm what the thinks about when he's doing suicide pushups. I think that's a complement. YAY HE CALLED! He sounds like Scott, my Scott. MY Scott...y'all back off, lol. *does a little dance*...hell...*DOES A ROCKIN' DANCE* HE CALLED HE CALLED HE CALLED! He loves me, he really really loves me. And he's thinking about me and he has a friend. YAY! OMG I love him I love him I love him!!!

How's he going to change?

2007-01-17T01:09:00.000-05:00

k, so after my little breakdown last night and all that, I had an alright day. I slept till noon, got up, went to school, came home and talked to some TMW people, and Jenny helped me figure out wtf my prof wants out of me for this research paper thing. I had a nice long talk with Alejo, which was helpful. It's nice to talk to somebody who knows him just as well as I do, if not better. (well, at least in some capacities if not others ;) ). But I got to thinking while I was watching Failure to Launch. Jenny said that Scott may come back different, more mature, like he's aged. I think what scares me most about not having contact with him is that he can change without me knowing...and what happens if he comes back and he's not the guy who left? What happens if he's grown up and I've stayed put and he doesn't love me anymore? I know he'll always be Scott and I pray to God this doesn't change him so much that we can't relate anymore...it's just...scary, not having any tabs on his moods. I mean, what if he no longer likes Undergrads or Boondocks? What if he's no longer into his random oldschool rap? What if I frustrate him? Ugh...I just, can't let myself think that that could happen, but at the same time I have to keep in mind htat it might. Sigh, please God, bring him back to me, if not unchanged then still the same guy I used to know at heart...

Sixty to Zero...

2007-01-15T20:51:00.000-05:00

k, so I was on cloud nine all day cause I spent my entire weekend txting my boyfriend...and now it's all over. They took away his cellphone. I got one txt saying it had to go away, to send phonecards, and that was it. And I totally fucked up, all I txted back was "why!?"...I forgot to tell him I love him, which I txted immediately after but I don't know if he saw it. Now I feel like my world's crashing down around my shoulders, and I know I'll see him in a few weeks but...I know it sounds completely stupid and you're all going to go "but he loves you so much!"...but I feel like I've been dumped. I know I haven't, and I know he's going to come back to me and he'll have his phone in 4 weeks, but...I wanna sit with my cellphone, a bucket of icecream, a really sappy chick flick and just cry buckets. And my dad's here so he keeps asking me every 4 seconds if I'm okay and I want to punch his face in. I know he's just trying to help but it's not helping, not at all! Damnit, this couldn't have happened while Nana was here, no, they had to wait till my best friend left and I'm stuck with my dad to comfort me. k, deep breath, now that I have that off my chest I feel a little bit better. Life goes on right? He's comming back, isn't he? I'll get up tomorrow, go to school, and just keep on going...maybe I'll even apply at Loblaws (not putting all my eggs in one basket as the old saying goes). Let's try and get through this one babystep at a time...