Unplugged

Lately I've been feeling unplugged. Exhausted, worn out, bored, tired, and just plain apathetic. This, if you know me, is not my natural state. I tend more toward the energetic and outgoing. I blame this, unfortunately (for me and the people who have to deal with me) on school.

Why?

I'm graduating in June and I'm afraid I'm finding most of what I'm learning quite pointless (if you'll allow me to put it that plainly). Monday to Friday I wake up DREADING the day ahead of me, and only when I have the opportunity to go to work do I find myself even slightly enthused. Having completed college applications this week (and consequentially discovering that nobody gives a damn if I have a degree or not) I'm now looking toward the hopefully more happy future.

This future of mine is really taking up a lot of my attention lately. The more I read up on the different colleges I've applied to the more confused and excited I become. Unfortunately for my parents- the school that excites me the most is Grant MacEwan in Edmonton. I hadn't even looked into this school until Scott's posting revelation, but now that I have I'm just plain tickled. Their class outlines are absolutely enthralling me, and their facilities are only 2 years old. 2 years! I haven't been in a school that new since Maple Ridge! (For those of you who don't go that far back- I attended Maple Ridge E.S in Orleans for my grade 7/8 years.) It even houses a daycare centre where we can do our practicum. And the kicker is it's exactly 45 minutes away from where Scott'll be posted for the next 2+ years. Yes, Algonquin, Fanshaw, Seneca, and others are very good schools...I've been reading up on them too, and some (most noteably Seneca) compare to Grant Mac. But I refuse to stay in Toronto for another two years. Case closed.

So all this leads me to the huge possibility of me leaving Ontario for two years to go live in Alberta with Scott. This was NOT part of the original plan, and yet- it feels fortuitous. My life seems to go off in odd directions without me really intending it to, and yet I always seem to end up where I ought to be even if it wasn't where I intended to be- does that make sense? As an example- I got into York, I failed out of York before even getting to attend, I got put into another program that turns out was much more suited to me than the original (as having discovered I would have failed right out of the original had I stayed there!), I meet the most amazing family I've ever met and discover my passion doesn't lie with computers but with children. See? NOT where I intended to end up, but looking back with 20/20 hindsight- exactly where I ought to be. I call this the grace of God. All that "God has a plan for you even if you can't see it" stuff that I never believed seems to be ringing quite true...so maybe this is his next move? Maybe there's something in Alberta for me that I can't see right now but that I'll regret not checking out if I don't go? No matter how much I pray on it and how many alternatives I research I still feel myself being pulled there (and not just because Scott will be there!). My parents aren't going to like this...but oh well, as everybody I've run this by has said- they may not agree with it initially, but they will get over it.

And so I sign off to go watch another episode of the Tudors or maybe even the lastest Gossip Girl. My guilty pleasures. Remind me to write about what it's like to live without TV...